I'm a rebel and my .44 pops far

I went to the Upright Citizens Brigade last night, to see Jon Benjamin and Jon Glaser be interviewed by some dude in this thing called "Inside Joke." The problem I always have with comedy things is being lined up with comedy fans and thinking, "Oh my God. Why am I with these people?" And I totally have lost all self perspective, because I think I am somehow totally rock and roll and glamorous, PS you can't even believe the clothes I wear these days. I make these comedy people look totally rock and roll and glamorous, probably. Still, they are way nerdier.

Really. Even as I watched and learned from Jon and Jon and thought fondly of Scott Fellers and watched a film of Scott Fellers and couldn't remember how I became in love with him, I was convinced that I was way less nerdy.

EVEN as Dollie and I walked down 8th Avenue and I then recalled where the romance began, I still thought I was cool. This is very unbelievable, because as some of you may recall (I did not at first) I got in love with Scott Fellers because he kept looking at me during the show. He started it, you see.

Did I mention that Scott Fellers is a PUPPET!?! Because he is. And even better, not only did I think he was looking at me, Dollie thought he was looking at me as well. At one point during this show that took place three years ago, she turned to me and bugged out her eyes and/or elbowed me as if to say "Oh my GOD! He is totally looking at you," the way one might at a rock show.

So, you see, I am not a comedy nerd. Scott Fellers is a rock star. It can't be helped.

9:30 already? Time for bed!

these things take forever, I especially am slow

I can't wait for John Cameron Mitchell's sex movie to come out, and here is why: Because I was just now watching a Bright Eyes video (what?*) that he directed (oh!) and I cried and cried. Kind of how I cry and cry at Hedwig. So will I cry and cry at this sex movie? That remains to be seen. But I'd love to know. Soon, please.

Wow, I have been busy doing things, like working.

My new favorite song? Glad you asked! It's "Can't Go On This Way" by Beanie Sigel. Someone at work plays it all the time, which is excellent, because before that, someone at work kept playing that damned Mariah Carey song, and if I heard that crazy bitch whisper "it's like that ch'all" one more time -- well, I don't know what I would have done. Beanie is much much better. Also, I love that M83 song, where they just keep screaming "Tiiiiiiiiinnnaaaaa!" over and over. But you might have guessed that. They are both French and noisy. It's obvious.

And also a million other things there are to tell you. Maybe tomorrow.

* I have always hated Bright Eyes, based on a million different things (mostly things I have made up in my head, I admit) but this song is astoundingly romantic. I can't deny that, especially not when John Cameron Mitchell is making the video.

slipped my mind that I could use my brain

I was supposed to go out on Tuesday night, but the first thing I was set to go to sold out, and then I had a backup plan, but ugh with the snow. So instead we decided to get take-out Indian food, which was a) delicious and b) an excellent plan. You know, I am tired at the end of the day. Too tired for all these outings I get my mind set on.

I honestly have no recollection of what I did Monday night. Which isn't a hot story, but a sad one. I'm sure I didn't go out, but I really don't know what I did. Or even what I watched. Or had for dinner. Whoa. I know I didn't cook, because I haven't done that in forever, except that last night I made greek salad with grilled chicken and spinach pie. The spinach pie was from Trader Joes. I am not that ambitious on an off day, never mind a Wednesday.

Last night El Fano came over for fun, and that was a good time indeed.

I really can't remember Monday. It's starting to freak me out.

Um, what else? Mike Viola had a baby! I didn't realize that Mr. Viola lost his mom recently, and I am very sorry for that. But I am glad about this whole baby thing. Hooray for that!

Maybe that is all. Wow, this life is exciting, isn't it? It must be true what they say: All work and no life makes you have no life. Or something.

how recklessly the pages are filled

It has been too long. I am supposed to write a story every day. I am sorry.

Some things that have happened include:

• My first work-week night out so far. Not a horrible failure. And I made it to work early the next day. Good girl.
• El Fano moved out to his fancy new apartment with the fancy new floors. Good luck!
• Drinking in the street. My first time, I believe. Irish coffee, out of a take-out-looking cup. Good move.
• Somehow having the really bad transportation luck of needing to take a bus followed by the 7, the F, another F going the other way, the R, the E and the G to get home the other night. Good God!
• Shopping on Myrtle Ave in sweatpants (what?) with undone hair. Good -- well, no. Just bad.

I'm sure there is more, but I do not recall it. A home with no El Fano or Kid-E -- that there is the biggie, you know. Tonight will be my first night to come home from work and she isn't there at the door to welcome me. Wah.

does your [girl]friend work for MTV?

Oh. I got in love. It is the fault of this lady, who reminded me to marry Ben Parker. In a way. I always forget to think of Ben Parker and the love I have for him. Then I watch videos of him and lovely Jason, and I read that he is born in 1975 like me (remember when I told you how no decent man was born in 1975? Wrong again. That could have been his birthday!) Also, I swear I didn't remember what he looked like. Did I even know?

Do you want to know? I will show you! (He is the one closer to you. To me, really)

EEEeeeee! He is so cute. Cute cute cute. And great. Great great great. He makes great songs with Jason, and then he sings them! He doesn't do that anymore, but I bet he does other great things instead. Like becoming my husband. Or, you know, making and singing other great songs with other people.

Would you like to watch a video? You can! Even he is a great actor. Also, look at the cuteness some more!! Look at him rocking that gold chain. Love him! But not as much as I do, else I will cut you.