we'd ride this donkey as far as it would take us

Good God, I love Rev. Al Sharpton.

I put my back into it, everything I have into it

I found The Universal Review yesterday, and I like it very much indeed. It is just what it sounds like, a site of universal reviews, reviews of products and experiences (And, I suppose, anything that isn't a product or an experience? I might argue with myself that everything is one or the other, or in my case, both) written by two lovelies who may or may not be my neighbors.

Yes. So I read some more today and am just crazy mad for this for many glorious reasons that you will have to read to know yourself. If you know me well, then you know that I was taken in by Jews For Jesus, won over by Catholics, Mary, Evangelicals and Satan and just blown away by the rest. We're speaking contextually, of course, not literally. And by we, I mean I.

Hey, want to hear something awesome? And by awesome, I mean the traditional definition of awesome. Sure you do. OK. That job that made me interview three times and then rejected me in a deftly-penned letter which extolled my virtues but dropped the bomb that they'd be going with the other candidate who was offered and accepted the position -- remember that job? It doesn't exist. Did it ever? Who can say. The position was a new creation, and it was never filled. They didn't offer the job to anyone else, they didn't hire anyone else, and they ostensibly had me come in three times for kicks. Clever kicks, at that. Bastards.

20 of 2135

I don't think this is at all representative of Ignignokt's versatility, but here are the first 20 things he felt like playing today (on shuffle).

"I Think I Need a New Heart" - Magnetic Fields
"Strict Machine" - Goldfrapp
"Edge of Seventeen" - Stevie Nicks
"Fool" - Blur
"Death II" - Pulp
"She's Acting" - The Inbreds
"O.U." - Pulp
"Almost Gold" - The Jesus and Mary Chain
"Ice Age" - Dear Leader
"Beautiful" - Belle & Sebastian
"Curious" - The Gravel Pit
"Chinese Bakery" - Auteurs
"I Don't Believe in the Sun" - Magnetic Fields
"Winter" - Rolling Stones
"Heartbeat" - Tahiti 80
"All Hype" - Longpigs
"Dogmatic" - Candy Butchers
"Good Day to Die" - Travis
"Runaway" - Bon Jovi
"The Battle For Straight Time" - A.C. Newman

I'm her Hume Cronyn, she's my Jessica Tandy -- I want candy!

I have a new boyfriend. His name is Ignignokt and he is an iPod. He and Edgar are good pals who love each other. Everyone is happy forever, especially me. Birthday in July, whoo!

ain't in love, ain't in luck

I just got this junk email, and the subject heading was, "an asshole - date one today."

Astounding, isn't it? Just thought that was worth noting.

PS "Traci, I Love You" is my new favorite movie. It even out voiceovers "Heiress."

you sound too much like you've seen it all

I had three drinks on Saturday, in three different bars. I don't think I've ever done that. Not in a very long time, at least. So yes, the plan was to try a new bar (and to try a new bar a week until we hit all the places we want to/should check out). We started with the Mark Bar. I was unimpressed. It was nice inside and all, but I very much felt as if I'd walked into a private party I'd never want to attend. Everyone knew each other and looked like they worked at Other Music (I swear that some actually did). Bored, we left after one drink and intended to go a couple doors down to Tommy's Tavern, but the huge throng of smokers outside was intimidating, and the bad sounds emanating from the back were irritating, so we walked on. To the Pencil Factory, which I liked better, thanks. Still, only one drink's worth of entertainment there that night.

We walked over to the cabstand, had an entertaining ride home, marked by an odd exchange with a man on the street, walking with a very foxy woman. He stared and stared and gave us a thumbs-up (we can only assume he was looking for affirmation of his hot date). Whatever it was, it was funny. So was our driver. The night ended at the bar next door, where we hadn't been in a while either. "Conan the Destroyer" was on. I was not feeling it. We had one drink, talked to bartender Greg (commuting from Boston? What?) and left.

This coming weekend is busy, so maybe we try a weekday new excursion. I have some ideas.

Can someone explain how Tasti-D-Lite does it? I feared some pact with Satan, but it's Kosher, so that can't be it. Maybe I should stop worrying and just enjoy the glory of it all.

Today, for the first time ever (see, I manage to keep life fresh and exciting, even at my advanced age), I sent my laundry out with a pick-up/delivery service. I have never entrusted my laundry with anyone not related. This is very odd to me. Exciting, though. Ooh!

The lady was such a little tiny, but she was strong. I was trying to help her bring the wash down the stairs, but she was all about rocking it out herself. I'm impressed. I'll be even more impressed if it is really back here all shiny clean at 11AM tomorrow, as predicted.

I don't think I slept for more than 20 contiguous minutes last night. Being restless in your own bed totally sucks. I hadn't even had caffeine, or anything in particular to worry about. And I was tired. Ugh. Suck.

'Charles Manson?' 'No, it's your grandson'

Oh butt. Hermia's latest entry just reminded me that I forgot to go to that Target party, Man. I forget everything,

I am right now recording the CBS "Helter Skelter" off the DVR to free up 3 big hours of room. First off, was this presented with no commercials? Because that would be crazy. Oh! There goes one now. Anyway, I guess you really have to be in the mood for creepiness and brutality, because I am clearly not. I am working, and so not paying attention, but every time I look up, I feel sick.

I hate Charles Manson and all of his people, Always have, always will. It scares me that I have to even note that, but enough people feel differently that I do, I am obsessed with how ridiculous that is. I am disgusted by the idea that we are supposed to feel sorry for people who were in his "family" and free them. Why? If you were so susceptible to him, who's to say you wouldn't walk right into another psycho who would have you do his or her bidding? Please.

Also, I hate when people like Charles Manson, as if he is awesome. Ugh. It makes me throw up. Charles Manson? What kind of hero is that. Paul Kersey, now that's a hero. Anyway, yes. I have read the book, and seen the first TV movie and watched the parole hearings, which is what made the hate come to start with. I'd like to watch this movie sometime because I'm sure it will just make me hate him and his people more (the first scene went a long ways that way right away) and make me want them to never get out of jail ever.

And that is why I am your law and order candidate. Mostly order.

Wow, it's raining a lot. A good part of taping "Helter Skelter" now is that I don't have to jump every time they do the "do dooo doooooo!" onscreen "news" break-in to tell me it's raining. Thanks for the warning. Man, you'd think it was the Mojave Desert or something. Who is this bulletin for, anyway? We're in NYC, idiots. It rains. A lot. Duh. Also, we're in NYC, and some of us are crazy enough that any "doo doooo doooooo!" makes us jump straight out of our skin. I bet it is all a part of the panic tactics the Man is using to keep us down. I might be the law and order candidate, but I'm no fool/.

just be a man about it

My man here has coined "wimpster."

If anyone has suggestions for recalibrating my gaydar for Greenpoint-Williamsburg, get back to me. All these wimpster straight boys have jammed it.

At least, that's the first time I've heard it. I love it. It is so true.

I'd like to take this opportunity to note that the Greenpoint gal who started the GP bonanza over on CraigsList was not me at all, despite the whole, "my roommate and I can't believe we are single" etc. sentiment. For one thing, these posts presume there are gaggles of cute boys in Greenpoint. I've seen about 8 in the 6.5 years I've lived here. That's not a good record. Anyway, yeah. Not me. But funny stuff.

oh, don't look surprised

This shocks me, honestly.
CNN.com - Dunst, Gyllenhaal break up

I always feel bad when famous people break up (unless they are hateful horrors) just like I feel bad when nonfamous people break up (unless one party is a hateful horror). People are the same wherever you go, and all that.

Anyway, it's about time I had a 23-year-old boyfriend, so I should just look on the bright side. Although, speaking of bright, he isn't terribly. Which gets boring. Bleh, there went that idea.

lifting her dress up, trying to keep up

Oscar came home today. And it cost $520, not the $600+ estimate. For this, I am happy. I'd be happier if it were $5.20, but what can you do? Jack predicts he'll be fine and great, unless the transmission goes, which could happen at some point, but we'll have plenty of notice. He says. We hope.

Do you know about Kiki & Herb's big farewell? Now that I have my tickets, I can tell you. Because you know I am just not the type of gal who can be happy for you going if I'm not. Especially if you know about it because of me. And that you could get your tickets right early because you are a rich bastard. Yeah. PS Why aren't tickets to shows all $7? Come on, people. Give me a break, here.

Is Ali G different this season? Because it is embarrassing to the point that I can't watch. Maybe it is just that I am more pathetic and can't handle it? I'm willing to accept that fact, and I will keep watching. I like pain. "Entourage" wasn't that good. And that Turtle guy is like everyone I've ever hated ever. Ugh. Just what we need on TV, more of that. I hope my lovely gays come back on cable soon. I miss them already.

Kill me. Please.

So most everyone got tired of Friendster never working, much the same way most everyone got tired of Diaryland never working anymore. Not that I ever even did anything on Friendster but sign on to check for bulletins (I can never spell that word right the first time) anyway. But still, now I have accounts over at MySpace.com (which aspires to be a more rock and roll site, I guess) and also Orkut (which aspires to make me feel stupid by not "getting" the name, I guess.) All in all, just two more venues at which to waste time, make no new friends and get no job! So join me, won't you?

same old situation

Alright, then.

So I got a "no" on the real job (In real-mail writing. Explain the delay? Sure. Still pretty lame), I'm developing an ulcer and am chewing a huge pod inside my lip thanks my fake job (full time, full week, Full Strait Jacket) and it's only Monday. I have a headache, it's hot, and there's nothing in the house for dinner.

There's nothing new ever, is there?

all systems fail

If a company is so professional and particular that they make you come in for three (3? 3! I wish I was kidding) interviews, wouldn't you think they'd be professional and particular enough to ever return a call from one of your references, and oh, I don't know, call you when they said they would absolutely, definitely have an answer regarding your employment.

Well, I thought so. Thought wrong again, as it happens.

As a result, I have gone completely insane. So insane that a segment of "I Love the '90s: 1998" has me Furby mad. Lucky for me, we have two living with us. Can you believe both are named Toto? I couldn't. They are sleeping now. I don't think the cat likes them. My panicked freakout over them not working (evidently the battery connection is oddly sensitive, etc.) was highly disturbing.

So is the upcoming week of work I don't want to do. There will be crying. Believe it.

Someone invented a new holiday. You have three guesses to pick who did, but when I tell you the name of the holiday, you will either need only one guess or have no idea (if you don't know, you never will, you see). The holiday? Ass Wednesday. Which starts Tuesday, a la Macy's famed one-day sales.

OK, maybe I get back to work now.

I'm on my waaay-haaey

Here's a weird story: Everyone in my family got a tattoo yesterday afternoon. My mom, my pop and my baby brother. Weird, right? Very weird. Too weird. I'm still not sure I believe them. If they'd thrown in the dog as well, I wouldn't at all, but they didn't. This is either disciplined lying or the truth. Anyway, they knew they could go without me because I don't want a tattoo. Because I can't commit to one symbol forever and ever amen. Maybe someday.

You know, since I bonked my head really bad that one time in May (April?) I can't have more than one or two drinks without feeling dizzy and awful. I don't like it. It's just not right.

I totally talked through the whole Jet set on Saturday (I was in the back, where the talking should happen, so don't make a bad face at me for being a nasty concertgoer). Maybe it was just that, to me, the show ended when Sloan ended, but Jet really didn't hold my interest (aside from my compulsion to sing along to their reworkings of "Home Sweet Home" and "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" -- come on, have you heard the album? -- with original lyrics, of course. You don't have to be on-key to be on fire, kids.)

Asia has a song called "Ginger," but it's an instrumental.

Ginger Altoids. Now these, I get. You know how people online are always extolling the virtues of products, and then when you try them you think, "Huh?" because they suck? Well, not ginger Altoids. Delicious.

I just recently got hot on ginger, the taste, the smell, the idea. I never liked gingerbread much, and ginger ale just isn't very gingery (unless you get that insane super gingery extra strength ginger ale, my new #1 favorite beverage). I really think my ginger love may have started with sushi. You see, I tried it, and I hated it, but I needed to come away with an appreciation of some part of it, and so there was the ginger. Which was magical and delicious.

Now I always have a knobby bit of ginger on hand at home, and I can bring the ginger on the road in the form of Altoids. Life's good.

up in the big leagues

Oh no! Poor Weezie. I will miss her.

So I was on vacation for a while, and so not here and so not *here*. And so. Yes. And I missed poor Marlon Brando dying. Well, I didn't miss it, but I was too busy to acknowledge it in writing. So maybe I'd better do that now by telling my favorite Marlon Brando story. So, we're in 10th grade English, watching "A Streetcar Named Desire," which I knew starred Marlon Brando. When watching movies in school, it took two to three days to get through them, and at the start of day two I said, "Gee, I hope Marlon Brando finally makes an appearance today." You see, because, having only been familiar with contemporary Brando, it didn't occur to me that this guy this guy and even this guy could ever have been this guy. Sure, I see it now, but no way then. Of course, everyone in class thought I was an idiot, and now whenever I tell that story now everyone thinks I'm an idiot, but I'm here to share.

Yesterday, after brunch, Dollie turned the car on and it made a horrible noise and it wouldn't turn off, even with the key out of the ignition (Ack! Scary!!). And then we opened the hood and it finally turned itself off. And then we ran away screaming (kind of) and tried to make it go today, but it wouldn't turn on at all. So now he is with his friend Jack, the mechanic.

I also saw "Before Sunset." And Sloan. Good stuff, all around.

What, this isn't the magnificent return you expected? I'm sorry. Maybe next time.

PS Are we believing that whole Dave Chappelle becoming a Muslim and ruining comedy as we know it thing? Because I really don't want to.

G will turn to Eeeeee!!!

This is my very first post from my all-new computer. He is an eMac and the e stands for Edgar. He is a beauty boy, and I love him.

All I did was unpower my modem and then switch the ethernet from into the PC to into the eMac and then power up everything and whoo! I was online.

The first person I talked to wasCRZ, which is good, because he was online and he is a MacMan, and he maybe remembers I wanted this for years and also his lovely wife has one too! Yay!

PS Yay!

PPS On iChat, if it comes up in little cute thinking bubbles and then talking bubbles! Also, my icon is the Hell Hath No Fury Craig Manning t-shirt because I am a sicky loser! Yay!

Everything about Edgar so far makes me to say, "Eeeeeeee!!" Maybe that's where he got the name of eMac. Eeeeeeee!!! OK! I have to make him more mine and all, so I will get back to that now. Eeeeeeeee!!!

PPPS I had a dream last night that Sloan made a really bad new album, and I still loved them but it was hard, and Mike Nelson joined the band and had a hairdo of Bruce Villanch and also the beard, and he told me to pretend to enjoy the show because they had a pep talk back stage about that, etc. Also, they played Darkness covers to make me smile. I did.