it's OK, I know nothing's wrong

Why does the world hate me? I am a nice lady. Why is it that I must get terrible Sean "My Soul Brother" Avery news (which, for 20 minutes there, was basically, "He got a heart attack and probably died.") after a terrible loss, followed by a terrible episode of "American Idol" that I had to watch in the midst of other terrible times. No, really. I had to watch it. Like, for serious.

Also, why are people who are supposed to be my friends waging some sort of imaginary feud against me? Don't be mean to me. I am good! Where did I go wrong? I am at a loss. Honestly, I deserve better than this.

Do you deserve this video? It's hard to say. But I offer it to you anyway:

honestly I don't remember who you are

Here's what happened:


Hockey. We win, we lose, it runs my life. PS Have you met Fredrik Sjostrom?

<--

I mean, really. Whoa, right? Today hockey isn't looking great, but we will still win the Stanley Cup and I will still get my tattoo.

In other news, everything else is difficult and making me miserable, including the fact that my annual (see 2007 and 2006) so so so wrong obsession with a so so so wrong man has come around, and he's pulling a "CSI: Miami" this year. I can laugh about it now, but that doesn't make it OK.

Hmm, what else? Finally, after getting my hands on the book years late (and then choosing to put it on the backburner and avoid reading it right after my poor Nipsey went to heaven), I am reading "The Year of Magical Thinking." Which is great because I can't even listen to "11:11" without crying (believe me, I have tried!), clearly a book about death is just what I need during these fragile (for some reason) days. But what Joan Didion does (what she always does) is make me itch to write my book. So I have been, a tiny bit. A very tiny bit. I came home last night after an unsettling outing with El Fano (the movie was disturbing, not the company) and wrote two small parts. I think I only have about 1,200 other parts to go. Hooray!

In these uncertain times, a good song to listen to is "Second Chance," by Liam Finn, because it feels like a shot of adrenaline, mostly when it gets to the "you stand around your haunted home" mark. I love it right now, and I hope you like it too.

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third-period conversations

Me: I can't believe I didn't win a Peabody again.
DB: Yeah, I noticed that.
Me: Another year, another missed Peabody.
DB: I could give you a Peabody.
Me: Really?
DB: Sure. I could pee on your body.
Me: Eew! No.
DB: Although it's PEAbody, like peas. I guess I could put peas on your body. Frozen peas. But you could really do that yourself.

...

DB: Ohhhh. Why is [hockey player] so foxy?
Me: He's very dirty. I learned that the hard way.
DB: What did you hear?
Me: Nothing. But I told you, I had that dirty dream of him.
DB: Did he give you a Peebody?
Me: No! Yuck.
DB: That's my joke of the day.

...

DB: I think People should do the 50 Biggest Butts list. I bet there would be at least forty hockey players on it. They'd probably be more likely to do the 50 Most Fabulous Butts. But I'd rather see Biggest Butts. Although Michael Moore might be on it. Who else? J.Lo, though her butt isn't even that big anymore. Kim Kardashian. Who is known for having a big butt? The lady who's always on the cover of King magazine. Let's say there's 10. So the rest are hockey players.

...

And ... we're in the playoffs! This will only get worse.

separate the girls from the boys

I was separated from the boys today at work. So, of course, I have taken to singing "North Dakota." Not because it's as dramatic as all that, but how many opportunities do I get to bust this one out (alone, in my own house.)

If you know, then you know. And if you don't, I'm here to help. (Click play, it will change you. And you could use a little change.)

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OK, everybody: Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh ooooh oooooh ....

If you're having a bad day, I highly recommend singing this song at top volume for an hour. It's totally working for me. Of course, it helps if you already know the song and are also drinking beer. It's even more fun to sing it at top volume in a booth at Flannery's (or at least it was, 10 years ago) while drinking beer, but I take what I can get these days.

Now, it's drinking a 24-oz Corona out of goblet (I am a classy lady) and pumping the Hermit on iTunes while putting off watching "American Idol." I am also trying to buy myself some stuff at Sephora (honestly, that Black Honey collection was made for me!) to blank the pain away, but the site is being a butt.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure it's the singing that's really cheering me up. Also of note, I typed "Dakota" into the search, so I get to sing "North Dakota" and the Stereophonics' "Dakota." It's like a dream, really. I bet you wish you were here.