I hear them saying 'Los Angeles'

Why are craft-type things so obsessed with being in and cool? I just saw another post on another place where candy is out and crafting is in. Candy? What? Candy is never out or in. It's candy. And, I daresay, crafting is never in. Deal with it.

I told my mom that thing of, "Crafting is the new rock and roll," and she said, "Ugh. I'm old and even I don't believe that."

Really though, did anyone start enjoying knitting or gluing stuff or whatever more when it became the new rock and roll (as if it had, which it clearly hasn't)? Because for me, if I was happily knitting along and then it became a movement, I'd be embarrassed. I would knit in secret only, for I would know that were I to knit on the subway, where people before would think, "Um, OK," now they would think, "Way to go, trendo." It is a simple fact. By the time it is "cool," aren't we all way too cool for it? PS If it is self-designated cool, that is just a horror.

Anyway, I don't know why I think of this at all, except maybe because I am cranky. I am cranky because stuck in my head is the awful song "Los Angeles" by Frank Black. You know, the one where he says the hard g, not the soft g? The one where he says, "I want to live in Los Angeles/ Not the one in Los Angeles" in the most annoying way possible, over and over? Lord, please deliver me from this evil.

drank it all to the last taste

I am drunk, and it is 1:37PM. This is a glorious day.

Also if today arrived the brown version of my famous blue corduroy jacket. It is brand new, like no one ever wore it, even though it is 30 years old. Oh. Magic.

I was just seeing a moment of the EMAs, and Maroon 5 won some award, yet they didn't thank me. Clearly they would have no album and no fame without me. I mean, it isn't Songs About Our Sorry Asses is it? Come on, bitches. Recognize.

while your head is clear

Ugh. I have been sick. I have a fever (not the fever) and aches and pains (more than usual) and tiredness and snot. I don't like it.

And that Crystal Light Sunshine Surprise or whatever, their fake Tang, is not delicious at all. $3.99 for 3 little powders, and it sucks. Thumbs down.

Why does Fandango keep asking if I want advance tickets to National Treasure? I clearly do not.

Maybe I need a nap. Yes. Last night I had a dream that I got off the bus and walked into the middle of a shootout. The night before that I had a dream of walking in a very scary place to get to a very strange Halloween party. No more drama.

I don't like to do anything for 40 minutes

I saw this commercial for Covad the other day, and I kept thinking, "Covad. Covad. Covad? I know that name. I think from work." And then it was a telecom company, and I know I have never used that, not even at work. And I thought, "I wish that I could search my life with Google." You know, that if I typed in Covad it would tell me exactly its significance to me. Also, I would be able to find more information on Questone, since evidently I am the only person on the internet to have ever written about it, except some guy charting toys that came out in 1996.

PS Oh man! I just this second remembered Covad, and where I know it from. One of you peoples use it! So that it comes up on my stats tracker. Wow. Maybe I don't need a life Google. Although I bet if I had it it would know all of those autobiography titles Kim and I were constantly coming up with that I do not know at all now.

I don't know the answer to that question

I have this toy called Questone (pronounced Ques-CHON + lots of attitude just 'cuz). He is purple and also great. I got him in a basket one Easter, and he has been giving me very snooty answers ever since. He's a Magic-8-Ball type of guy who answers yes or no questions (after a dramatic musical intro) as a very haughty oracle. He's also far more portable than a Magic 8 Ball, and has a lot of personality. Once he even co-hosted my TV show.

Anyway, now he is in the kitchen drawer that I use as a desk drawer (as the joint of my kitchen peninsula houses my computer) and once in a while when I close it too hard, he says something smart. One day he won't say anything anymore, I'd imagine. And I can't replace him. It is very sad. There is no point to this story. Or is there?

Today I went to the bank and the post office, and neither went well. Ugh. Yesterday I went to the movies and shopping, and that was much better, except I thought I broke my toe. But I didn't, so stop worrying.

I need a nap.

your body is a porta-potty

If I get ONE MORE email from PP Sluts (!?!) entitled "These girls love peeing ..." I don't know what I am going to do, but it isn't going to be nice.

PS Poor ODB. :_( I don't know if I will best remember him as Big Baby Jesus or Ol' Dirty Chinese Restaurant, but I will remember him fondly.

call me a hater if you want to

I finally wrote a letter of complaint to NBC about the gross "Fear Factor" promos they show all day and all night long. If I wanted to watch vile disgustingness, I'd make that choice myself, thanks. Anyway, I wrote my complaint. And as someone who regularly reads (incorrectly routed, but still) complaints, I know nothing will be done about it.

Still, the blender rat was the last straw. I even tried to write to the FCC, but evidently they only want to hear about sexual things. Pervs. Man, if a boob disgusts you more than rat eating, you need some counseling. Recognize.

living the good life in Mexico with this tramp

Dear "Passions",

I can never forgive you for all the ways you have gone wrong, but I must thank you for always depending upon angry, yelling Luis to make everything OK again. Thank you for bringing laughs and swoons back to my afternoons.

love*jane

tied to the '90s

I went to watch the marathon today. Seven years I've been living in a neighborhood they run through, this is the first time I've made it. So lazy. Anyway, I worked at making up for it, clapping until my hands cracked and "whoo!"ing until I lost my voice. It was pretty exciting stuff.

Do you watch "The Alternative" on VH1 Classic? Because it is the perfect end to an excellent night of television (Sunday kicks all sorts of ass, you know) for dorks like me who need to relive their musical glory days (and they are bigging up 1991 lovely tonight). Anyway, why did I never notice how cute the rest of Midnight Oil was? Maybe if I was always so busy enjoying Peter Garrett's dancing. PS Who knew Peter Garrett became a politician? Whoa. I miss everything. Anyway, yes, I love this show. Except now all of a sudden it is playing new wave. Hello? They play that all day anyway. Boo!

Today was the birthday of a favorite rock star of mine. I won't reveal his age, but I can't believe that 30th birthday concert (and my first trip to Canada) was six years ago! Also, that my own 30th birthday is next year. Geez.

what a golden age, what a time of right and reason

The other night, all the Chinese restaurants were closed. Isn't that weird? It freaked me out. We called and called, and there was either no answer, or a machine saying, "Sorry, we're closed." Then we got Thai, and man, were they busy.

I haven't been able to cook for my family in weeks. It is a problem. Especially since it is really the only thing I like doing. I should plan a big shopping trip. It's hard to make dinner when you are out of staples. Also, that laundry really needs to get done.

Ah, the exciting life.

My non-computer DVD recorder broke, and after somewhere between 20-40 emails back and forth with Gateway (including gems such as, "I understand the DVD drawer won't open. Why don't you try a lens cleaner disc?" And I should get that in the machine how?) they finally gave me the address and my repair number, and now I can't find a suitable box to ship it in. Ugh. And you know I only threw out the box it came in three weeks ago.

Also, my iPod freaked out and needed to be reformatted. No tears, because I was home when it happened, and all the songs are on the computer anyway, but that was weird. I am having bad electronics luck, which isn't like me.

I've also had a headache for four days. That, sadly, is totally like me.

if it makes you sad, it makes me sadder

I promise not to turn all political on you, because no good can come of that. Also, I've never been good at getting across the point that I AM SCREAMING all of these things anyway. But I thought I would share this.

I thoroughly enjoyed the whole article, and highly recommend reading it, but this part is especially good, I think. And as we are supposed to be moving toward mending the rift between Americans (Yes, George, a whole lot of people voted for you. But look how many voted against you), it would be wise to keep this in mind, I believe.

From Eleanor ("Gee, I think you're swell-anor") Clift's interview with former President Carter, "We Need to Heal."

The country has grown more overtly religious since you ran for office, and so have our politics. Is that good for democracy?
No, I don’t think so. I tried the best I could all the way through [my] campaign and when I was in office—although I am a religious person—never [to make] it into a ploy. In fact, I objected to that very strongly. I was brought up believing in a very rigid separation of church [and state], but now there’s been a melding of an extraordinary degree between the Republican Party and the more conservative Christians. And this is not only an anomaly, but I think is contrary to the best interests of our democratic principles.

if you've got a blacklist, I want to be on it

Thank you, (the majority of voters of) America. Thank you for disregarding real facts and instead believing some lie someone told you once, even in the face of your amazing wrongness.

Thank you for making "morality" a major issue in this election. And by "morality," I mean this interesting brand of morality wherein sacrificing Iraqis and American soldiers for no discernible reason is wonderful, and having a personal relationship that has no effect on anyone else is horrible. And somehow your business. A morality where you can lie as much as you like, so long as you go to church. Amazing.

Either this is a nation of total and complete idiots, or I'm totally and completely insane. My vote is in.

you don't think that I tried for you?

I don't know much about election districts. You'd think they would divide them up by the number of registered voters, not just streets, but for some reason, although the other precincts had long lines, Dollie and I were the only ones there for the 93rd when we voted at 9:15. I first chalked this up to being the few people for blocks who speak English and don't have 47 character last names, but again, shouldn't they divide it up by voters, not people in general? Whatever.

Anyway, I voted and it was so easy and took like 90 seconds. Lucky.

PS What is this talk of "I Voted" stickers? We didn't get stickers. I'm pretty sure I've never gotten a sticker. Boo! Man, NY gets no election love. I bet all those punks in Ohio and Florida had more stickers than they knew what to do with. Why should the swing states get all the shine? No one asked me who I voted for. No one knocked on my door to get me to vote. None of the dudes up for big Prez even stepped foot in my town. I don't like being taken for granted, bitches. I voted. Where's my sticker?

halloween, the night the artist caused a scene

I am a simple gal with simple tastes and simple kitchen knives. My own jack o' lantern is my favorite ever.

Last year was the first one I ever made, and I did it under pressure. For this one, it was just me and the pumpkin. And magic. Now I have to throw him out because he is smelling. It is to cry.