when I say goodbye it is never for long

My Pop Pop died on Christmas morning. We were up very late Christmas Eve, and when the call came at 8AM it woke me, and I knew in the long slow seconds before I got to the phone who it was and why.

There was some of that weird magical stuff that always seems to surround deaths that make me believe in all that weird magical stuff. And I am, of course, devastated although I know it's better that he's at peace and not suffering. And surely there is some smart or thoughtful something I should say, but all there is to say is what my mom (who is not his child) said, which is that she never in all of her life heard anyone say a bad thing about him, which is something she can't say about his wife or her own mother or father. That's something I surely can't say about myself or really anyone else I can name. So I'm sad that he's gone and I'll miss him, but good God, wasn't I a lucky one? I can still hear him laugh, and I can still see him smile, and when I say goodbye on Friday, like when I said goodbye in November, nothing in me honestly thinks it's the end.

right on track

As one of today's intrepid commuters (I'm at work for hours before most people are even awake) I thought I'd report that my bus and two trains came right on time and got me to work right quick. I even got a seat on the L, probably because many thought things wouldn't be up and running this early. Hey, I thought the same thing, but after my $40 cab ride yesterday morning, I didn't have much choice.

"If they're smart," I said, "they'll run perfectly on Friday, make the trains almost heavenly after a stike, make you forget all those times you waited 48 minutes for a train that's supposed to come every 10." And they were smart.

she can walk out anytime

I am very lucky to work at a place that said, "Oh, you can't get in? Stay home and work there." So I have done just that. Only tomorrow is payday. And it's December 22, which means I really need that check. So I will venture in. At 4AM. I hope some cab will take me to the city and charge me too much, because if I have to walk somewhere at 4AM, I will die of fright. I didn't survive this long by making stupid walking-alone-at-4AM type moves.

Speaking of that, if I wasn't convinced to move far far away, this being held hostage nonsense sealed that deal.

it's never too late

How come every show I like is not on DVD? I simply cannot rest until I can watch "Finder of Lost Loves" whenever I damn well please.

wake up it's a beautiful morning

Today one of my worst nightmares came true when I woke up after 8AM. If you haven't been keeping track, here's why that's so bad: I usually get up at 4AM. I am due at work by 6AM. At about 12:30PM I finally stopped crying over this horrible turn of events, and only because I got really angry about something happening at work. I'm not sure if this is an official nervous breakdown, but it feels real close.

jangled like a harp

Yesterday (or was it the day before) there were office dismantlers in the office with boxes, like to throw people out. It turns out they were just there to move a couple of people to new spots, but for a little bit there, I thought I was fired (CLEARLY it would be about me. Who else?). The bad part of this story is, while I was thinking, "I'm fired!" I was kind of excited. Like "Whoo! I'm fired!" That can't be a good sign.

In other news, I finally got Tiger! And my DVD burner still doesn't work. So while I like Tiger, Apple can blow me.

PS What should I be having on my dashboard? So far it is super boring. I already had a clock, thanks.

PPS Did you hear about my new pretend boyfriend? Sigh. So sad. At least when it is a rock star it is a real person. This here is a fictional character. Which may be worse than a puppet.