I never had a good time

How's my vacation? Well, I just yelled "The clavicle is a bone, fucking idiot" at a dude on "Jeopardy." So pretty good, I'd say.

I've had well enough of this heat, though, so let's call that off, shall we?

I just took a nap and dreamed about a Sloan show. Korn opened. Seriously? I'd been getting so little sleep and remembering so few dreams that I forgot how stupid they are.

Dan Abrams has been filling in on "Scarborough Country," and I've really been enjoying that. I've missed Dan dearly since he stopped hosting "The Abrams Report." But Scarborough has apparently still been on his morning show. Is Dan taking over Joe's PM spot? I demand answers. And way more Dan Abrams.

heaven knows what happens now

Today was my last official day at work. It wasn't my last real day of work, as I will fill in for a couple of days in a couple of weeks, but the day I'd been counting down to arrived. So, yeah. It's weird.

Yesterday, there was goodbye drinking, which was nice. A day-of decision, and I think that is fun, except that I wasn't dressed for public life. We're talking freshly dyed unwashed hair piled up on top of my head, an outfit entirely made up of clothes two sizes too big and my green Sauconys. Wait, those green ones you stopped wearing months ago because they got too dirty? Yep. Did they somehow get cleaner? Nope. Everyone must have been thinking, "Dang, that bitch does need some time off ... to go shopping!"

But the beer was nice and the company was lovely and everyone gets five stars. Except it somehow went from being 8PM and me totally leaving to 12:30AM and me just getting home. Then when it was 4AM and my alarm went off, I couldn't handle it. So I rolled over for a little while longer and went for a later bus -- except that bus and the next one didn't show up. Bastards. So I was late on my last 6AM day. Terrible. Fire her!

don't be unhappy with me, I find you charming

Here's some advice: Don't give six weeks notice when you quit your job. And if you do, don't agree to then fill in a week AFTER your six weeks for a vacationing (ex)co-worker. Not because it isn't the right thing to do — it is the right thing to do. The thing is, it will make you cry.

At some point, you are going to have HAD IT. Had it, had it, had it. And you're going to cry at work. Not because you are sad, or a silly girl, but because sometimes the choice is crying or picking up your computer monitor (no flat panels for us, baby) and throwing it. And you don't want to do that. But what I advise you, to skip the throwing and the crying and all that? Just give two weeks notice. If it was good enough for Hugh Grant, it's good enough for your boss.

So yeah, I've already cried. Which means if Paris Hilton gets out of jail, or Britney Spears gets knocked up again or Lindsay Lohan is photographed doing coke off of some dude's piece (well, that would at least be an entertaining story) while I'm still there, the computer monitor is probably toast.

Last night I went to the UCB Theater, where Seth Meyers and Fabrice Fabrice talked, and some other crap. Whatever. All I know is that I LOVE Seth Meyers and Fabrice Fabrice, and that's all I needed to know.

Hey, Sunday is Sloan! Yay!

PS Also I saw "Once" last night, and I loved it so much. Here a song from it. When it turns 1:20, that's when I love to start singing along.

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'I've been had!' gets me every time

Just when I'm leaving, they start doing amazing things like dressing James up in tie-dye and making him live in a tent. This "horse with a knife on its head" moment may be the greatest non-"You Tell Us" thing I've witnessed in my tenure. Enjoy.

feeling it burning on and on

I don't know what it is about the lovely and talented Fresh, but I love her as if she were one of my own children. Today, when she referred to Akon as Acorn, I was so proud.

In other news, I have six more days of work! I do not have another job lined up, which means you will probably see me panhandling 'round about August. Or trying out for that vacant spot in Journey. I rock the bleep out of the "If you must goooooo!" part of "Separate Ways" ... and all of "Open Arms." Not really. Steve Perry's tough. Although, now that I think about it, my "Oh, Sherry" is pretty hot. Remember when I saw that Journey cover band and got mad at the guy in front of me for singing "Faithfully" like it was his jam PS THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE DUDE YOU ARE NOT IN A TOURING ROCK BAND! Yeah, that was pretty amazing.

Do you think Shane would be my boyfriend? Yes, I know she is a girl. And a fictional character. I'm just asking.

Overheard in my living room ...

Dollie: Marat said he may retire.
Jane: He should retire right here.
Dollie: He's said he's tired of getting no results.
Jane: I'll give him some results.
Dollie: "You ARE the father!"