I'm up the wall, I'm up the bloody tree

Does anyone else have the problem that when they mean to say/read Blancmange, they say/read Blanc Menage? Or is that just me (and evidently El Fano)? Well, not just us. Also, does anyone even know who Blancmange is? Why do I feel like they are so famous, yet I can barely remember a song?

parties rage on without you there

I have absolutely nothing to do on New Year's Eve, you know. The two people who would normally invite me to things are heading out of town (Both? At once? Bad timing, thanks) and I am left with the one who isn't "into" New Year's Eve. (I don't get that. Any excuse to go out and be drunk, I say -- and given that the whole St. Patrick's Day thing is wildly offensive to me, I only have the one.)

It is depressing. Basically, I think NYE is your popularity yardstick. Though I might not want to do anything, not being asked to do anything is social death. I should be trying to figure out what I am going to wear of the horrible items I own, how I am going to go out if this would-be cold comes through, which of the none-too-appealing journeys to other neighborhoods I have to make. So do I have a bunch of loser friends who are doing nothing also, or have I become the kind of person that you only invite to your birthday, out of duty? Hmm??!??!

Ugh. Don't even tell me. I'm not very into this, thanks.

it could be bad, it could be worse

I saw a job today that I thought I might be good for. Until I saw that It paid $12 an hour (on the books, mind you), freelance in-house, no benefits. What? I think my head is going to explode.

I also saw In the Cut today. See, this is what happens when they have only reruns of "Starting Over" on. I did not like that movie, no.

And I saw In Good Company recently. That was good, but not wonderful. Or great, even. I think I don't like Scarlett Johanssen. I'm not sure exactly when that started. Also, at one point I had every song that had been played in the movie on my iPod. Then they played "Besame Mucho." I do not have that.

Also, I cannot, will not talk about current events. You know how I get with mass death, especially mass death caused by natural disaster. Crises of faith and all that. Not fun.

Ohh! I cannot wait until I take ol' Edgar in for fixin' because then I can make a show! And many other things in need of making. I do not look forward to taking a 80 lb. (whatever) thing into Tekserve, but what can I do? What I can do is see Outback down the block and remember last Wednesday fondly. Man, I love chain restaurants. And this apparently. Who knew?

Did you know I got a fancy stand mixer, a mezzaluna, a mortar & pestle, a microplane, an Exopat mat, ten hundred cookbooks, an amazing machine that stirs sauce for you (!!) and much much more this Christmas? Well, I did. And that's just gifts of one theme. There are several others. Why? 'Cos I got it like that, son.

PS I love James St. James so much! He is my favorite writer. I had to watch Party Monster last night, now that I am 3/4 of the way through the book. I'd be done if not for my overwhelming exhaustion and my fear of it being over and having nothing else from him to read. Another book please, sir. Come on.

PPS Seth Meyers is so my new pretend boyfriend. Even it is his birthday! He is 31, which is just perfect, thanks.

stay, there's nowhere left to run

Names I have called the cat in the past 24 hours

• Sunshine
• Friend of Mine
• Crazy Mama
• Sweetness
• Sweetness Follows
• Minnie Mouse
• Pumpkin Pie
• Pumpkin Patch
• Punkininny
• Monkey Shines
• Bumblebee
• Chicken
• Catbutt

Yep, I'm working from home again. And she's got a cat dancer and is completely insane.

hangin' round the mall and all

I keep getting spam from Fyodor Dostoevsky and Friedrich Nietzsche. Man.

My Christmas shopping is nearly done. I made great strides last night, though I would have made even greater strides had I not waited in line for 70 hours while salespeople bullied customers into signing up for credit cards. Then the checkout woman got to me and said, "It will only take two minutes to fill out the form and be approved!" And I said, "We both know that is not true." Which was not enough of an answer for her (what?) so I had to say, "I don't use credit cards" and then the lady was mean to me. Whatever.

all of that time you thought I was sad, I was trying to remember your name

I've been busy living it up these past ten days, you know. Here is a list of important things to note:

• When you go to karaoke just west of the theater district, it's like "American Idol." And not even the bad tryouts. The singers are good, and really serious, but they don't seem to mind if you laugh and point and sing along really loud. Good times. Should I do that for New Year's? Maybe.
  
• I considered going to Minneapolis for NYE (uninvited, even -- and I'm working that day anyway) but all I found were tickets for $500-800. Can't do it.
  
• I got a 9.25 lb. Nestle's Crunch for Christmas. The only way I can figure out to eat it is to gnaw at it while sitting on the couch. Sounds good to me. This is candy progress, my friends.
  
• Last night I enjoyed our first snowstorm by riding in it to the city so my girl Dollo could rendezvous with a notorious indie film director at a moment's notice. Don't try to guess - I'll only delete the comment as we are sworn to confidentiality. Kim would guess correctly. And she'd be glad it wasn't her.
  
• Should I start a photo log? I think I might.
  
• I have 70% of my Christmas shopping left to do.
  
• I saw The Life Aquatic. It was alright. Although I seem to be the only one who noticed the horrible Song Remains the Same Owen Wilson moments, which is so unlike me.
  
• I made my 2004 disc this weekend, so there will be a SFC ASAP. Likely 12/26, given my shopping situation.
  
• Uh, I'm tired.

beats all you ever saw

I know I'm old when:

I read the name Uncle Jesse and think this, not this. Also, didn't another Uncle Jesse make sunflower seeds? I can find no evidence of this, yet I would think of that Uncle Jesse before the WWUJD one. Ah well.

I promise not to cry anymore

I had a very rough work day, all full of depressing stories of horrible murders. There's only so much one girl can take, so tonight I went to a new bar, the R Bar. Even if I have been meaning to go there for years. Tonight was comedy. It was nice and good. I had three drinks and am totally all drunk. So drunk, that just now I somehow typed the o with a line through it on accident.

Anyway, the R Bar should be noted for having the absolute cleanest ladies room ever. I don't believe I've been in a bathroom in a private home that was so pristine.

Sadly, I accidentally played a Wilco song on the jukebox, but I made up for it later. Also tonight, we discovered the Dolly Mixture, who evidently also had a song called, "How Come You're Such a Hit With the Boys, Jane." That is just too bizarre.

On the way home, we walked through the McDonald's drive-thru. Which is a first. I was horrified, but it all went magically well. Their late-night menu was oddly small and specific, but we made do.

PS I love all these things that happened tonight.

I wish I had a young heart today

Last night was full of amazing action. Oh my. Well, maybe not amazing, but action. And you know there isn't much of that around.

First we saw Dear Leader at the Mercury Lounge. The amazing portion of the evening began and ended there, as you might imagine. The show was fantastic, and I finally bought the album, which I'd been meaning to do since it came out. Dear Leader probably aren't visiting you anytime soon, so you can buy it here. It is a late contender to take the top of the best of '04 list. It is already in the top three, and I only half listened to it once. Good stuff.

Then we headed over to the Luna Lounge. You might think that was because Paul Scheer of "Best Week Ever" fame and the Inconsiderate Cell Phone Man who pushes Netzero were hosting comedy, but, in all honesty, we each dropped the $8 to get in because I read somewhere that Luna Lounge was soon to close and so I had to take a photo of my famous grafitti from 11/3/98.

Six years later, it still looks wonderful. Liquid eyeliner, man. All artists should try it. And we stayed for the comedy anyway (which only bolstered my belief - introduced by Dear Leader's Aaron Perrino, oddly - that we could do that and do it better), and even ran into Fitzy! You don't know who that is, and it doesn't matter.

Then we went to wish a mustachioed Joe a happy birthday, had a couple of drinks, picked up maybe the best falafel/babaganoush sandwich ever (Red cabbage and pickles? It works!) at Oasis on N. 7th, popped in at the old bar next door to home for a howdy and walked in our front door just past midnight. Oh, it was magic.

you don't think of them as human

A funny thing happened on the way to tomorrow. And that is that Ween came on the TV, and I told a story to El Fano about a boy I knew who liked Ween and Modest Mouse. El Fano was incensed. "Something must have hit him on the head!" he hollered. Holla! El Fano is awesome.

Further proof of this came last night with his title: "Mannequin 2: Too Cool For Clothes"

Everyone wants us and everyone wants to be us. We know this, and we are OK with it.

I'd like to reassure you but I'm not that kind of guy

I love Chris Matthews. It is an inescapable fact. Some days I am not sure why I love him, but on nights like tonight, when he repeatedly hounds Jerry Falwell to recall the moment when he "chose" to be heterosexual, I am reminded.

Now I don't love CM (hey now) enough to keep this photo of him, so if you love him more, by all means, start the bidding.

what's the sense in sharing this one and only life?

I really want a real Christmas tree, although I don't know where I would put it, and the Christmas tree people who are usually down the street aren't there yet, and continuing to use the very nice fake, skinny-enough-to-fit, ostensibly environmentally sounder hand-me-down is the right thing to do. But I hate the right thing! I want the fun and good-smelling thing. Boo! Maybe next year.

Hey, what if next year I lived in Buffalo? Wouldn't that be crazy? Maybe not so crazy, because I could have an even bigger apartment for 1/3 of what I pay now and be like an hour from Toronto. Also, I could save up to buy a house in like 4 months. It is awesome. If I don't get a job here soon, I'm going to seriously start looking for one there. Watch me.

I was thinking a good wedding song might be "Young Hearts Run Free," not only for the obvious sarcastic reason, but because, in a twisted way, it sounds romantic when she says, "My man and me." I mean, clearly, if he is behaving the way she says, he isn't hung up at all. So I think she is dramatically exagerrating, and what is more me than that? Nothing. See, this is what happens when I start thinking.

I don't know what to do about my laundry delivery. I keep hauling it up the stairs myself, which isn't part of the deal, especially when I give a big tip. Today I gave the big tip and they were still like, "Oh, do I need to help you?" AND then complained up the stairs about how heavy the laundry was. Listen, punk. I put it in three bags, you're the one who packed it into two for returning. Also, shut up. I know it is heavy, that is why it cost me $60! PS I just lugged the BIGGER bag up ahead of you. Now I am angry and don't want to do this anymore, but I hate doing the laundry. Also, they do it better. Maybe I should just not tip. What is the protocol?

I wonder do they do your laundry for you in Buffalo? I bet I would even have a laundry right in my house, though! So it doesn't matter! Aha!

OH! And has anyone heard a cover (and not Kiki's) of Dan Fogelberg's "Same Old Lang Syne"? Because Dollie heard a bad version by some lady, and no matter where I look, I can't find one single report of anyone but ol' Dan singing it. It has become a burning curiosity.

have I been sleeping for all these years?

Oh. My. Stars. Just before, I accidentally changed the channel in the middle of watching Sunday's "The Alternative" on the DVR (taped for the "Raymond Chandler Evening" video, because I am a total dork), and what was on real-live VH1 Classic but "The Alternative" again, except this time they were playing the Payolas "Eyes of a Stranger." THEN I went inside and came out and "The Alternative" was now over, and what came on but "Solid" by Ashford and Simpson. I mean, what are the chances? No one will get the significance of these except me and Dollo (and maybe Kim?) but I need to document this because someday, when I'm awfully low, I will look back on this and say, "Wow."

Then they played "In My House" from the Mary Jane Girls, which has very little significance, other than it was my #1 favorite song at the time, which is disturbing, but not at all surprising. You know "Super Freak" was my #1 favorite also. And now "I'll House You" from the Jungle Brothers is on, which is funny because I am always saying how they never play that sort of thing anywhere anymore. Only the Fan would appreciate this, but sadly he just went in for a shower, and I am not going in to get him. Oh my God. "Children's Story"! Does the fun ever stop? Yes, with "Jammin' " Alright then.

Edited to add: OK, man. Now they play "All the Man That I Need," and I *know* that can't be just a coincidence. For everyone knows that was the song that launched my Whitney Houston adventure in sound that one night, and everyone knows that it all started with a certain misplaced rock star crotch. And by everyone, I mean no one but Kim. But anyway, this is a crazy night of old memories and old songs. And it is crazy, I tell you.

you could have it all if it matters to you

I haven't had much reason to update.

Thanksgiving was lovely, of course.

I started drinking wine, but I doubt that it will last. I can't manage more than 1/3 of a glass without feeling drunk. I recommend this kind, just a mouthful, for right before bed. Best night's sleep I've had in months.

Speaking of wine, I saw Sideways. That was quite good.

I got sickly obsessively in love with Alan Shore, who isn't even real. Awesome. Also, "Life as We Know It" is back tomorrow, and that is good news. Have I mentioned how much I hate this season of "Degrassi"? Because it sucks a lot.

Today it rained. Then it got sunny, but very windy. I'd like to not go out at all, but we're all out of soda type beverages.

Today, I made a Christmas card, I gathered up old magazines for recycling and I sent out my laundry.

See, nothing's going on, but I have absolutely no problem with that at all.