that's why it'll never work

I just killed a bug with my hand and instantly regretted it. I announced, "That was shitty. Now I feel bad about it." Um, no one is here. Who am I talking to!?!

In better news, Dollie is my hero. You may not get that bananacake joke (well, well, well, you should!), but trust me, it's the best thing ever written.

And so ends my month of daily blogging. I'm not sure if it would be more or less impressive were I not writing two posts a day over at the work blog, but I did it.

Speaking of the work blog and things that I do, every day in December (Yes, weekends. Yes, Christmas) there will be a new 2007 year-end list. That's 31 lists. It all starts tomorrow. I won't tell you exactly what the first theme will be, but I can give you one clue (Why? Because who's going to stop me? I already killed a bug today. Look out.) That clue is: Sean Kingston. Be sure to stop by, disagree with me, post your own lists and suggest other Best Of lists. Seriously, comment all day long. Become the new Bradley. I'd love it.

no one else can feel it for you

I love winning. And we won! Even though I wasn't there. Finally. Nice one, boys.

Also, this is so wonderful. But then again, it could just be that I love James Franco. And the name Justin Bobby.

say something, anything

I am feeling better, and work has been good, but it is very frustrating to keep churning out genius high-quality blog post after genius high-quality blog post to no fanfare and few comments. It is making me feel sad and unappreciated. You know what would make me feel better? A movie deal. And a new apartment, with a fireplace and a backyard.

shake the disease

I'm feeling better, a lot better, but still really awful. So I did what anyone in my position (two blocks away from Macy's) would do. I went to Henrik to be healed. Am I healed? Not so far. But I did get to look at him in person and stand right in front of him for a full 20 seconds and even talk to him a little. Plus I got a signed puck.

He's totally all gorgeous in person, in case you were wondering.

it's the #1 fact of life

Dear YouTube,

You suck. Not only do you not have "VD Gets Around," you keep giving me some other weird square white people VD commercial instead (which is just creepy). Plus how can you not have "I'm a dog, I'm a working dog, I'm a hard working dog!" I'm disgusted.

love*jane

she sits in our old place all day long

Sick days? SICK DAYS?! You know how I feel about sick days. In my mind, I am very ready to get back to work. My body is not cooperating. I woke up, somewhat disheartened by the rain (Ugh, I guess I better take the bus -- not a good idea to be walking that golden mile in the rain when you're sick), only to be hit by a 15-minute cough fest that produced something too gross to describe (but awesome) and utter swooning exhaustion. I am not ready to go back. Bleh.

how can I ease the pain?

What a waste of vacation, lying on the couch in misery, watching the Rangers lose twice and hating everything ever. I really really need to be back in good form for work tomorrow, and I really need sleep, so I have concocted a reasonably lovely hot toddy for myself (with spiced dark rum, honey, hot water, ginger, lemon and cloves) for I am sure these voodoo remedies have to work better than the OTC crap that isn't doing a thing.

PS: This title brought to you by this :

all the people say, "stay at home tonight"

I've watched a lot of TV today — "The Hills," "Life," "49 Up," "The Soup," "Carpoolers," "Cavemen," "How I Met Your Mother," much of a "John Edward: Coast to Coast" marathon
and more, but this National Geographic Channel show about how pigs are the smartest things ever may be the best. In case you were wondering.

I got sick, then I got sicker

The flu? Seriously? But I felt fine yesterday. Apparently that's how it works with the flu. I woke up this morning and couldn't move from the aches and pains. Now I am exhausted, aching, fevered and bleh with a sore throat. Please God, that I didn't pass it on to anyone yesterday.

happy thanksgiving

Dinner for eight was a success, but I am so tired.

go-oh-ohhhhl!

Yay Colton Orr! I know it's not his Thanksgiving, but he came across with something to make me say thanks. Oh, I love to win. And I love when the win comes from an unexpected source.

you made me feel so bluuuuue!

I did this, and I keep looking at it and I can't stop laughing. I am my own favorite comic genius! Also, quite handy with the paintbrush. Look out, Perez!

binary solo

Ugh. All mechanical things are not cooperating with me. First it was the food processor. Then the HD-DVR (by the way, if I could do it all over again, I'd stick with the regular one) and now even the computer. It all makes me very cranky. Plus that I am cranky anyway, as I hate losing and had been, thankfully, quite unaccustomed to it. Argh.

things ain't cooking in my kitchen

Thursday I am cooking — turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, corn, carrots, brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, cranberry relish, the whole deal — for 8-9 people. I love cooking, and I think I'm pretty good at it, but haven't made a meal in so long that I must be rusty. And I am terrified.

I'd rather be right than president

You're Feingold-Kucinich!

As Russ Feingold, you are often on your own, a lone voice of sanity in an insane asylum.
You keep voluntarily returning to the asylum, convinced that you can change the minds of those around you. You talk about the need for personal freedom, to avoid fighting for the rest of one's life, and even the simple importance of cleaning up one's act. It seems no one is listening. You even want people to have rights to love and be healthy! Now that's just
crazy-talk.

You select Dennis Kucinich as your running mate to counterbalance Diebold's influence in Ohio.


Take the 2008 Presidential Ticket Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

five days to work, one whole day to play

Today was exhausting, another 10.5 hour job. Tomorrow I plan to watch TV. Oh yeah, and work. How did this happen again?

like icing on the cake

You know when you're having one of those weeks, where you're working a billion hours and not sleeping nearly enough and finding at the end of the day that you have maybe one or two things you've done that you're happy with and about (if you are lucky — I am)? How do you get through those weeks? Me, I have the New York Rangers. (And this week, the "I'm a citizen" guy). But you probably don't.

So tell me, what small victories and simple pleasures make your life worth living? I'm curious. After all, eventually it will be June and hockey will be all done. And it's not like I'm going to run into the "I'm a citizen" guy in the street. Besides tonight, I mean.

what'd you call me?

Puppethead. Tang Teeth. Anti. The Extra Inch Guy. Just when you think we'd reached the peak of nicknaming genius, there's Falp. Of course that is an in-joke that cannot be explained right now, but trust that it is fantastic.

I'm a citizen, think she loves again

Dollie is laughing at me because I am happy, giddily recounting my day at work. It was good! It was 13 hours long, but I loved every min— well, let's not get carried away. But I loved enough of it to leave smiling and still be smiling now. Most of the good stuff happened well after 6PM, but that's how it goes sometimes. I even laughed, like 50 times. 5 stars.

you're gonna meet me

(that's Sam Rosen, Dave Maloney, Ryan Hollweg and Sean Avery.)



Today I went to a Rangers season subscriber event, and Sean Avery had to leave early because he had to meet a girl's parents for the first time. Ha! Which girl? What parents? Page Six better have the goods. Anyway, I found that hilarious. The whole thing was all so delightful and wonderful. I left it thinking, "I love my team and want to be best friends with Sean Avery." The end.

soap for sore eyes

Do you love "Carpoolers"? I do. Though I'd love it more if there were more car singing and games and a little less plot.

In other news, I made myself a vow that I could not buy the "Flight of the Conchords" DVDs until I got the DVR down to 50%. It's on 83% now, and we watched A LOT of TV this weekend. I am in full support of this writers strike.

I represent Queens

I've decided that I want to move to Kew Gardens, and take the LIRR to work every day. Wouldn't that be a delight? Do you have a Kew Gardens apartment for me? Do tell.

Professor Pickles!

I am way too cold and tired to do this today, so I will leave you with this gorgeous 4 minutes of genius:

fake headlines, believe them

Oh, if only this were happening. (You know it was inspired by that episode of "Inside the Rangers" I was telling you about. He looks just beautiful in it.)


Rangers' Orr Could Be The Bachelor?

How fantastic and hilarious would it be, though, seriously? Especially since he has a girlfriend and is not interested! Did I mention that it would be one hour a week of Colton Orr?! I'm starting a petition.

Dear Colton Orr's lovely girlfriend, You're in show business — get on with the show! You know these "Bachelor" fauxmances never last. What does it take, two weeks to film? Then he's back with you forever. Think of my entertainment. Please.

I can dish it out, but I can't take it

November has become a strange month for me. Two years ago in November, I went on a weekend trip to Florida to visit my grandfather, for what would be our final days together. He was really sick. While my Dad and I were there, we kind of knew it would be the last time. Of course we hoped it wouldn't, and we believed it wouldn't, but we knew it could be.

Last November, when I often flashed back to those last days, it wasn't surprising. It was a big deal (certainly the first time I spent with someone while knowing it was very possible that it would be the last), and it was only a year away. And I'm prone to flashing back on moments, not memories, really, just strange still images of places and feelings. Like a weirdo. But yeah, I'm having it again this year. Maybe I'll have it forever. Who can say? It's not disturbing or unpleasant. It's just kind of strange. Perhaps in a good way.

What this has to do with the following song is debatable. On one hand, nothing at all. But on the other, this album defined last winter for me, and that must count for something. It's everything that I love in a song. I should probably now explain how my favorite songs are either 2 minute perfect pop songs or 7 minute tempo-change epics, but you get the idea. Here's Limousine, from Brand New, which is apparently inspired by a true story of a horrible drunk driving death but is also about 900 other things as far as I can tell. It's glorious — tragic and soaring and heartbreaking and beautiful and so so so November.

mog.com

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what have I done to deserve this?

I have had "Lisa Lisa" stuck in my head all day. Not Lisa Lisa, but "Lisa Lisa". Oh no oh no oh.

In better news: Hey, did you know they had Inbreds videos? Me neither! I love the Internets.

there's a joke here somewhere

I am too busy for this right now! Instead read The Monitor. Beginning Tuesday we're asking for and publishing Top 5 Comedians lists. Good times.

Also, love this video. I do.

please stay off the stage all day

Hey, were you in that "musical act"? The one that was playing on Manhattan Avenue, where Bedford turns into Nassau? The one featuring that "DJ" (playing MP3s on a computer — with those very professional minute-plus gaps between). Were you even the one guy — who looked like, well, every awful Williamsburg hipster stereotype you can think of — standing on a box yelling inane things into a microphone. Things like "Give it up, Greenpoint." And "You can do it, F29!" at a professional runner. Oh can she do it? Really? Like for a living, even?

Yeah, you suck.

back here where we need you

Sean Avery returned to the ice tonight. We won, but the big story is the return of his great big mouth. There was a whole lot of on ice action (seriously, can't they come up with an adults-only broadcast where everyone is mic-ed?), and then this:

Sean Avery was asked how exactly Marty Brodeur responds when he’s in his face the whole game. “His accent’s too thick. I can’t understand him.” Avery also referred to David Clarkson as a “boneheaded minor leaguer.” Good to have Avery back to fill up our notebook. (Rangers Report)

There's a picture of Avery and Brendan Shanahan, when you first walk in at The Garden, and they're on the bench, both smiling and looking down. And it might remind you of me and Dollie, where Dollie's Sean Avery and I am Shanny, for a number of reasons. I think that still holds true, but when it comes to Brodeur, me and Avery are of one mind. I love it.

guess how much

Do you watch half-hour infomercials for Time-Life music collections? Because I do. They are my favorite programming. I'm a big fan of "Malt Shop Memories," and just tonight I discovered "Soft Rock" starring Air Supply. These small delights are what I live for, honestly. Also, on this genius 30 minutes of television I discovered that there is a video for Benny Mardones' "Into the Night," but I cannot find it on YouTube. If you have it, please share. Especially if you can get it to me by early December.

I want to be haunted

I admit it: I totally thought it was Luis Guzman, not Rick Aviles in "Ghost." And I've hated him ever since.

Also, if you like the New York Rangers, or even just hockey — or, in all honesty, even just men — you really really REALLY might want to watch this week's "Inside the Rangers". It will change your life.