I have water, I have rum

On Thursday night, I saw R.E.M. And while I have to say I was oddly disappointed to not hear "Underneath the Bunker" (have they ever played this live? My guess is "no"), it was a wonderful show. I can't imagine a better first time. Sloan was playing the same night, at the same time, at the other end of town. So we hurried out of The Garden after the last note and got to the Bowery Ballroom just in time to catch the last 45 seconds of Sloan's set. Does this count toward our quest to never miss an NYC Sloan show in 11 years? Probably not. The next night, Sloan played again. I danced and drank and sang and fought enough for two nights, easily. I had another wonderful time despite the efforts of that moron in the Brooklyn shirt ("But my ex-girlfriend used to go out with Chris!" Uh, why would that mean I'd let you cut in front of me?) and the-funny-only-to-Chris-Murphy "Skip Lowe". Yikes. Still, the fun never stopped.

Now we're in a bit of a show drought. Sure, there's Jarvis, but not until July 21. Then there is George Michael, on the 23rd, followed by Dead or Alive on the 26th. But what do we do until then?

Quest for Fire, I am looking to you. According to your MySpace page, early July is pretty quiet. Why not come to NYC and take advantage of the weak American dollar? It's the right thing to do.

Here's their video for "I've Been Trying to Leave." Clearly the subtitle should be (Toronto, and Go Play in New York).

I know you seen me on the video

I have a strange relationship with music videos. I loved them, mainly. At first, they were a novelty to be enjoyed late on Friday nights or whenever I was visiting Long Island. Once we had cable, I began consuming music videos the way I had previously consumed books, constantly, passionately, voraciously. I still remember the first time I saw "Pictures of You," "Lies" (oh, "Lies"!), even "Underwhelmed" (how is this video nowhere online?).

Then music videos became harder to find. And I started in on a job where my daily (and most wonderful) task included reading comments from people who were very disappointed by the lack of music programming on a music channel. Hey, I understood. They weren't sending their comments to the right place, but if they were looking for a sympathetic ear, they found it.

During that seven-year tenure, music videos became increasingly easy to find. There were the nonstop videos on VH1 Classic, for one (of course they have since given up on videos almost entirely) and the whole watching-videos-online thing, which I just cannot fully embrace. I like the convenience, sure, but I have a really big, really nice TV that I'd rather be watching. On it, I view episodes of "Subterranean," usually a few at a time. I put watching off because it feels like homework, because I hate almost everything played. Seriously, mediocre songs, hideously ugly hipsters, bad animation -- this is not where music videos should have gone.

Tonight, while watching last week's "Subterranean," I saw a video that did it all right. The song is great, for one. The video is performance based, and the people look really into making music. (Hallelujah.) There are no lingering closeups of unattractive people or bad attempts at artistic filmmaking. It's a bunch of people (Holy Fuck, specifically) playing a song ("Lovely Allen," to be precise). And the director, Drew Lightfoot, is a genius, for he totally focuses at any given moment on exactly the instrument you want to see being manipulated right then.

I'd give this six stars if I did such things, but I don't. Instead, it gets five glorious stars. I will put the video here, but it's better on my big TV, for sure.

has anyone ever written anything for you

!!!!

karate school!

Finally, YouTube comes through. I was doing a little game-show research and stumbled upon this, which is a longstanding favorite of mine. You will love it.

can't stop it, won't stop it

Jennifer Lopez, I adore you.

no one else can feel it for you

I love winning. And we won! Even though I wasn't there. Finally. Nice one, boys.

Also, this is so wonderful. But then again, it could just be that I love James Franco. And the name Justin Bobby.

it's the #1 fact of life

Dear YouTube,

You suck. Not only do you not have "VD Gets Around," you keep giving me some other weird square white people VD commercial instead (which is just creepy). Plus how can you not have "I'm a dog, I'm a working dog, I'm a hard working dog!" I'm disgusted.

love*jane

how can I ease the pain?

What a waste of vacation, lying on the couch in misery, watching the Rangers lose twice and hating everything ever. I really really need to be back in good form for work tomorrow, and I really need sleep, so I have concocted a reasonably lovely hot toddy for myself (with spiced dark rum, honey, hot water, ginger, lemon and cloves) for I am sure these voodoo remedies have to work better than the OTC crap that isn't doing a thing.

PS: This title brought to you by this :

Professor Pickles!

I am way too cold and tired to do this today, so I will leave you with this gorgeous 4 minutes of genius:

what have I done to deserve this?

I have had "Lisa Lisa" stuck in my head all day. Not Lisa Lisa, but "Lisa Lisa". Oh no oh no oh.

In better news: Hey, did you know they had Inbreds videos? Me neither! I love the Internets.

I miss my funky friends

I had my birthday party on Saturday, and some very special people made the trip all the way from Minneapolis. They are at JFK now, and I miss them already.

Anyway, many wonderful friends from near and far attended the celebration, which was held at my favorite restaurant. The proprietors were nice enough to let me play a DVD, so I made a mix (which took all day Saturday to make). I found one of my favorite bits on YouTube, for your viewing pleasure. I find it to be a timeless delight. Enjoy!

there was time to kill

Next Rangers game (that I have tickets to): 142 hours

My birthday: 16 days (yes, even at my advanced age, I still live for my birthday)

"Flight of the Conchords" on DVD: 30 days

Surely there are other great things to be excited for and look forward to, but I can't think of them right now. Instead, enjoy this totally weird video for "Countdown," by Pulp. And wonder how it is that I have never seen it before. Speaking of weird Pulp videos, I really need to dig up my 12-year-old mashup video for "97 Lovers." I wouldn't hold my breath for that to actually happen.

remember the time

Today was my first day at a new job. Those of you who know me know that this doesn't happen very often, as I am terribly loyal, holding on to a job far longer than I should in some cases. So yes, that was new and exciting.

In other big-changes news, I finally got the HD DVR to go with the HD TV I bought last October. Surely sports and movies are going to be infinitely more enjoyable with this new cable box, and it has some sweet features like the option to start recording a show late — so I was able to DVR "The Office" (end time 10:01PM) "Grey's Anatomy" (end time 10:02PM) and "Without a Trace" (start time 10PM) — but it is lacking a few things. One problem is that the time elapsed doesn't show up when you're fast-forwarding anymore, just an arrow that shows you where you are in the show. Um, that's not good enough.

Tonight, I said, "I really miss the time," as I zipped through "Subterranean." And Dollo replied, "Ohh. ... Really?"

Because she thought I meant Morris Day's band. Seriously.

Luckily, I don't really miss The Time. I think they still tour, for one thing, plus I can enjoy gems like this whenever I like. What a delight.

my dick need no introduction

Have I mentioned my obsession with "Big Brother"? Well, I am obsessed with "Big Brother," more this season than any other (mainly due to my free time, I'd imagine), and tonight, my favorite player won! (Well, my favorite player after pretty Nick left.) Hooray!

our love goes under the knife

Idolator tells me that Charlotte Gainsbourg had surgery for a brain hemorrhage today. This reminds me that I should show you "The Operation," in case you've missed it.

Is that incredibly tasteless? Probably. It isn't meant to be. It's just that reading news about her reminded me that I have neglected to note that I love her — her songs, her hair (obviously), her face, her way. Jarvis Cocker wrote almost every song on 5:55 (Air and Neil Hannon worked on it too). That helps explain why I like it so much, but I like it more than Jarvis' solo album, so clearly Charlotte herself is a big part of the greatness. Anyway, here's "The Operation." Love it.

don't worry about your future, just call in the patriot

In case you haven't already (and surely many of you haven't already) enjoyed this, please enjoy it now. It's my favorite anything ever, and that endorsement should be enough, frankly.

You may not laugh and cry (though I sure did), but you will never be the same.

I present Thrush Hermit's "Patriot."

here at my nightmare's end

It's amazing how a new haircut (Julie, I continue to worship you - by the way, I'm willing to share: She's at Deluxe in Williamsburg, and not only is she extremely talented and an absolute delight, but she's also gorgeous) and a mojito can totally change one's perspective.

Yes, while everything from trivial TV nonsense (Nick! Oh how I will miss you) to actual tragedies (both personal and public) still get me down in a serious way and most things continue to suck, I'm back from the brink.

I won't list all of the things that brought me to said brink (let's just say Murphy and his motherfucking laws can bite me), but I'm over it. My summer starts today.

Enjoy this wonderful song and its scary (and fantastic) mashup video — yes, I made it myself, about 400 years ago — for "Summertime Climb" by the Flashing Lights. It's my greatest creation, best appreciated if you are exceedingly awesome or at least on exceedingly awesome drugs.

I wonder if I take you home ...

Here's just a little peek inside our house:

At 11:30 PM tonight, Dollie and I sat in the living room hysterically crying. She, at some certainly monumental and touching moment in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And me at a lady butchering the lyrics to "Uptown Girl" on "The Singing Bee." Mine was of the laughing-so-hard-I'm-wheezing type, which certainly makes me mentally unstable (in case you're keeping track).

Also, there will be more entries in my top 100, but I spent last week trying to dig myself out of a pit of despair, and I'll spend this week shopping, gambling and drinking, so I'll update when I can. Please stop the incessant begging.

Oh yes, and to give you a visual, please consult this video. Coincidentally, I am wearing the same pink outfit as Lisa Lisa right this minute. And Dollie is rocking the Full Force headgear and doing the dance — while reading her book! She is amazing.

they've only got one

Henrik has re-signed. Hallelujah!

To celebrate, here is a nice video for a not-bad Sloan song. (Though, as the lovely and talented Lola has noted, the "or maybe TWO!" at the end almost ruins it all).

Oh, and THIS ... is awesome.

anytime she wants to walk out, that's fine