everybody thinks that you are the cutest

I sobbed on the way home today. The laughing kind. First off, that hardly never happens. Secondly, it should never happen when you are alone walking down the street in broad daylight. Of course, the reason it did happen is because I was alone walking down the street in broad daylight and was holding back a whole bunch of laughs. So I was listening to some old XFM segments of the Ricky Gervais show, and Karl Pilkington was trying to explain how he always thought Eric Clapton was singing from the point of view of a man in a wheelchair in "Wonderful Tonight," so they play the song and for the first two verses there is no hint of that at all, except after every line Karl tries to explain why one would jump to that conclusion. I don't know if it ever started making sense because I had to turn it off. I had stopped breathing while trying not to laugh. Bad.

I never listen to songs anymore, only funny people. It is my new thing. First I found a Mitch Hedberg CD. Which I loved. Very late to the game since the poor man is dead and all. Then I found that Gay Pimp had a podcast and had a couple of months worth to catch up on. At 90 minutes each, it's taking a while. And I am loving every second. Although it's doing terrible things to my vocabulary. Wieners, mussy, worrrk, quarter turns, dick shows, ladysticks and, of course, "I live!"

Now I think I need a podcast. Wow, who saw that one coming?

give us what we want, we've had enough

Trader Joe's, I have three words for you: What. The. Butt?

For serious. I went today to the new NYC store, and there was a line to get in. Monday at 4PM? Alright. So I got on it. The woman behind me (who then became the woman in front of me, delightful) kept saying how insane it was to be lined up to get in a store. And yet she was. And cut me.

Anyway, when I got inside, I couldn't even buy anything because people were lined up to look at stuff, and the line to pay wound all through the store. I have a job and money. I'm trying to pay for food. I do not need this. So I went to Whole Foods (which was a little more crowded than usual in the store, but the registers were pretty empty) and spent too much money for stuff I probably could have bought cheaper at Trader Joe's (though not those magical scallops) but at what price? I'll try again next week. Maybe the mania will have died down.

smell of wine and cheap perfume

Last night I went to a Journey tribute band's show. It's was the most enthusiastic crowd I've ever been in. It may have been the most enthusiastic crowd ever assembled in New York City, surely for a standing-up club show. People were taking photos, screaming out requests. High fiving each other. This wasn't even the real band. It was incredibly weird. It was amazing. I'd love to tell you more, but if this isn't one for the book, what is?

I'm sorry that Bill Beutel died. I love him. I used to watch him every night.

A friend of mine ran into a former friend of mine in the street. "Find him again!" I said. "Tell him to call me!" Since I can't find him and call him, I've been reaching out to people I haven't been in touch with in a very long time who I can reach. If you have the means, I highly recommend it.

you know the rules, you know the game

The problem with having lust in your heart for a Swede is that everything at Ikea sounds totally hot.

There's been a lot of hockey on this weekend, mostly agonizing. Here's hoping they don't blow the 2-0 lead they are rocking now.

Yesterday I bought a sweater, saw a movie (shut up, I liked it) and had a sandwich (Not the sandwich I was expecting, though, because my favorite place of sandwich has closed down, grr. That means my favorite Carribean restaurant joins my favorite Indian take-out and favorite fish-and-chips joint on the no-longer-open list.). Then I watched 40 hours of hockey and went to a bar where I looked up astrology compatibility profiles on my Sidekick and kept trying to get my friends to make out with random (and not so random) weirdos for $5. They wouldn't.

This entry is dedicated to Mike "Powerful Torso" May, for while he still hasn't recognized that I linked him on my site months ago, long before "Zoinks" (And seriously, if one of your options was "Aww yeah!" how could you give me of all people "Zoinks"?), he has sent a dozen people to this site. So thanks.

a star upon your shoulder lighting up the path that you walk

Oh, I didn't write for so long. I wish it were because I'm so hung up on Henrik, little girl (well, giant incredibly gorgeous too young man, really). Sure, it is because of that a little bit. But mostly it is because work makes me need to stab myself in the neck. I mean, I haven't stabbed myself in the neck. I just have to. Kind of like I have to ever go food shopping or clean this house or sleep for more than 4 hours a night. Eventually I'll get to those things and I'll get to the stabbing myself in the neck bit. And until I do, it haunts me. Anyway, we are one body down at work and it caught up. Caught me right in the chin. Today I left on time and for that I am grateful.

Yesterday I left nearly two hours late, but that was OK because I was going to the Ranger game anyway. To see my beautiful love return to MSG after winning a gold medal because he is incredibly amazing. And beautiful. I'd show you how beautiful, the way I showed everyone on the L train last night on the way home as I waved my Rangers yearbook around and practically died. You see, there's this picture. It is amazing. But I am stingy and I paid $10 for this book. So why should you get the milk for free? I haven't looked at it yet today. I think I'll do that now. ...

OK, I'm back. Wow.

So yeah. Here's the rundown in handy list form:

• Work is a butt.
• Henrik Lundqvist is a gift from on high.
• I have yet another genius plan to become a dance-music superstar.
• That Night of 1,000 Sweatpants joke at the Oscars was fabulous.
• I'm tired.
• I found a red-painted brick Cape Cod for $37,000 that I really want.
• I need $37,000.
• Mandisa is my girl.
• Santino is my MySpace pal.

I think that's it.

PS: