the problem is you

Days off at work aren't easy to swing (start your day three hours before everyone else and see how many are jumping at the chance to fill in for you), and I wanted one at a particularly tricky time. So I offered a compromise: I'll work the first 2/3 of Thursday and and the first 1/3 of Friday. I'll leave at noon Thursday and 9-ish Friday, and have about nine hours off. Fine. Good. Excellent plan. Works for me.

In real life, I left at 1:50 on Thursday and 1:30 on Friday. My day off amounted to two hours and 40 minutes.

Now I know the problem here is me. No one said, "You can't leave," but I can't. There's always too much to do. I not goofing off. I don't think I'm especially slow. I'm fairly certain I've never left my desk for longer than 15 minutes at once aside from a meeting — we "grab" lunch and hurry back. When we can get lunch. But there's still never enough time.

And then today, when I finally got home (it took 90 forevers, thanks MTA) I just had to immediately check my mail and see what was happening since I'd left. I learned that Kelis got arrested for yelling at some hoes. (Or cops posing as hoes.) And I felt horribly guilty for leaving that hour and a half early.

Um, what?

I clearly need 80 years of therapy and a different job.