10s, 10s, 10s, 10s, 10s across the board!

Year-End Special, Issue #1: Best White Rapper

Do you know how I feel about white rappers? It isn't good. For years I believed the greatest white rapper was Aaron Carter, which really said more about Eminem than Aaron.

But anyway, I've changed my mind. And not only because Aaron Carter is giving a serious meth fiend effect (allegedly).

No, it's not Kevin Federline (sorry, dude). And not to shortchange Paul Wall — he's white, right? — though the Brooke Hogan action is a bit busted, but this category comes down to two serious contenders: Mickey Avalon and Linda James.

Let's break it down:

One's an L.A. hustler-turned-rapper.

The other's a New York androgofemme from the house of Aviance.

One caught my attention with the super-catchy "Jane Fonda": "One, two, three, four/ Get your booty on the dance floor/ Work it out/ Shake it little mama/ let me see you do the Jane Fonda."

The other has brought a weekly ray of sunshine to my life via the Gay Pimp podcast.

One won me over in a big way with the lyric "I'm on the run/ My dad's a bum/ I asked my girl if she loved me and she just said, 'Umm.'"

The other spits genius rhymes including "I know you wanna get in my Balenciaga/ All night fucking on a bed of dolla." Also, "[Something something something] fuck/ My white diamonds always bring me luck."

While Linda has brought me more joy this year, most of it wasn't rap-related. Mickey has delivered the rhymes, though Linda has my heart. I just need more music, gir'!

For now, this one is a draw.