in times of crisis, the modern log

Is this the hottest week on record? Because I am sweating, man. And I am not into it. I think this might be one of those times when one would say, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity," but I just say, "Ugh, this is really gross."

Speaking of gross, I ate 3 bananas today. How weird is that? It's pretty weird.

I was realizing that I never told you the story of The Modern Log (by you, I mean The Modern Log, clearly). So here it is, the story of your birth.

Once upon a time, there was a girl and she had this record by this band.

Wait, maybe I should go back further.

Once upon a time, there were these two girls who went to Cambridge, MA to see a show. They were very early for the show because they were going to interview one of the bands playing. During the soundcheck, a soundman came over to these girls and asked if either was Sheila Divine, who was due on stage. They weren't. So afraid of hearing some warbling chick with a guitar and a dream as the opening act, the girls sat in the far corner, sipping drinks and watching the Sammo Hung show on CBS (or was it that Don Johnson show? Or was that the same show?) instead of checking out what was actually a rocking all-male three piece called The Sheila Divine. Who knew?

Some time later, the two girls were in Cambridge again, in a bigger room, seeing another band. This time they watched the openers and fell in love with The Sheila Divine. Magic.

Soon after, these girls got the band's EP and then their album (pre-release, bitches!).

The girl you know so well, she loved this band and was particularly fascinated with a track called "The Modern Log," a song with a meaning so inscrutable to the girl that her mind was nearly blown. Literally <-ahhahaha. Oh man, how annoying is that? Anyway, it wasn't until years later, when the girl's friend Other Girl (her fellow girl from the previous stories) introduced the idea of the log as a log (not unlike this here log) as opposed to a log one would throw on a fire. Did the girl you know so well really think for all those years that the song was somehow about wood? Yes. And maybe it is. Who knows? The girl doesn't, but she was (and still is) astounded by the fact that she never even considered log's alternate meaning.

Once she did, it was clear to this girl that someday, the sooner the better (and here's where procrastination got the best of her) she would rename her online journal of ridiculousness The Modern Log, for is there anything more befitting the name, anything that so encapsulates that which is modern and also a log? No, there isn't. And don't get into the rest of the lyrics to the song. The girl hasn't decided how those figure into the plot yet, and she isn't sure she can fit any more mindblowings into her schedule right now.