The Modern Log

I jumped out that window a long time ago

2008-09-30T17:59:00.004-04:00

Emma took this test and got the lovely and sophisticated Carole Lombard. What a delight. I would be envious, except ...

Your result for The Classic Dames Test...

Rosalind Russell (Ahhh! I didn't even know Rosalind Russell was an option. Oh, I could not be happier.)

You scored 12% grit, 62% wit, 14% flair, and 26% class!

You are one wise-cracking lady, always quick with a clever remark and easily able to keep up with the quips and puns that come along with the nutty situations you find yourself in. You're usually able to talk your way out of any jam, and even if you can't, you at least make it more interesting with your biting wit. You can match the smartest guy around line for line, and you've got an open mind that allows you to get what you want, even if you don't recognize it at first. Your leading men include Cary Grant and Clark Gable, men who can keep up with you.

Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the
Classic Leading Man Test.

Take The Classic Dames Test at HelloQuizzy

we were on and off, on and off, on and off again

2008-09-29T21:37:00.002-04:00

Things that are true:

Kim should come back like right away.

I have "Baby Doll" from "Tapeheads" stuck in my head.

Wreckless Eric is a great show to see.

Cold turkey is the only way to quit longhaired musicians with glasses. Now I only like dentists with perfect eyesight.

I am way too tired to make paragraphs.

Me and Mandy Moore will probably become best friends this week.

Crab cakes need to be more readily available.

The New York Islanders (ughh) do not deserve Thomas Pock.

"Kim fun" sometimes sounds like Kam Fung.

My deep dark tan still seems to have gotten deeper and darker over the weekend.

The greatest bracelet ever is now mine.

The FreeCreditReport.com commercials are the worst. ever.

I forgot to make Kim watch the reggaeton IO commercial. (Watch it!)

I forgot to take Kim to Pio Pio.

Pio pio is really fun to say.

Probably a great song for me to sing is "Surrender" by Trixter, mostly because "Give It to Me Good" sounds too dirty.

Dollie never thought of making me an intervention.

on and off again

2008-09-21T22:34:00.002-04:00

This was a good weekend for shows, two of my all-time favorites in two days.

Friday there was Mike Viola, the second of his four Joe's Pub shows, third of six shows of his I will see this fall. (Yes, we're going to Boston for the Candy Butchers bonanza). And then Saturday was James. Ohhh James. It had been too long, and an abbreviated (and pricey) set at Radio City wasn't going to be enough for me so we hit the road and headed to The Stone Pony — P.S. why hasn't anyone told me how insanely like this would be going to a show on my very own Shore Front Parkway? — for the real thing.

Mike Viola was great. James brought the house down. I am a lucky girl.

And I am left with a question: Which of these new lyrics is the greatest?

There was a snake in a shrub/ She had a rub on tan (Mike Viola's "Chemical Night" - co-written by daughter Isabel)

Too old for Hamlet, too young for Lear (James' "Whiteboy").

Tough call, right?

it's in me to sing

2008-09-07T18:12:00.005-04:00

I haven't written about cooking in a long time, but I just made a very lovely salad that I don't want to forget.

Grilled chicken (6 strips, marinated in balsamic vinegar, olive oil, herbes de Provence)
Goat cheese (small log, with garlic and herbs)
radish (1 large, thin and thick sliced)
cucumber (1 medium, sliced)
romaine (1 head, chopped)
vinaigrette (balsamic vinegar, apple cider vinegar, orange juice, olive oil, salt, pepper, herbes de Provence)

This made two big dinner salads, and they were pretty fantastic.

I had to eat up early to get to work - it's VMAs night! Oh, just kidding. (About the working, not about it being VMAs night.) While the first VMAs that you don't work on are a big deal, the second are almost negligible. I will watch, because I always do and because I expect interesting things from Russell Brand. Tomorrow morning, I will check out all the magic made over at the MTV News site, salute its greatness and be grateful that I had nothing to do with it.

In other news, I love this song. It's by the Constantines, and it is everything that is great about the world:

mog.com

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three hams will thrill him

2008-08-25T21:17:00.003-04:00

I went to Minneapolis! I had fun with my favorite people! I watched great TV shows! I went to parties! I did not go into a hot tub and faint, but I DID go to the fair, meet a chicken and try amazing and scary foods!

What I Tasted at the State Fair, by Jane

Pickle Dog
Pronto Pup (with mustard)
Big Fat Bacon
Nutella and marshmallow crepe
Culligan water
Wild Cherry Pepsi
Cheese Curds
Fudge Puppy
Frozen Cider
Roasted Corn on the Cob
Spam Curds
Pig Lickers
Michelob Amber Bock
Cream Puff
Leinenkugel Light
Perfect Pickle
Bull Bites

the session is NOT going well

2008-07-03T23:10:00.003-04:00

Maybe it's the best thing for you, but it's the worst that could happen to me.

PS Honestly, how is this man not my best friend?

PPS Dallas or not, I'm still totally naming any boy-child I raise Sean Avery. Get into it.

I have water, I have rum

2008-06-22T21:36:00.004-04:00

On Thursday night, I saw R.E.M. And while I have to say I was oddly disappointed to not hear "Underneath the Bunker" (have they ever played this live? My guess is "no"), it was a wonderful show. I can't imagine a better first time. Sloan was playing the same night, at the same time, at the other end of town. So we hurried out of The Garden after the last note and got to the Bowery Ballroom just in time to catch the last 45 seconds of Sloan's set. Does this count toward our quest to never miss an NYC Sloan show in 11 years? Probably not. The next night, Sloan played again. I danced and drank and sang and fought enough for two nights, easily. I had another wonderful time despite the efforts of that moron in the Brooklyn shirt ("But my ex-girlfriend used to go out with Chris!" Uh, why would that mean I'd let you cut in front of me?) and the-funny-only-to-Chris-Murphy "Skip Lowe". Yikes. Still, the fun never stopped.

Now we're in a bit of a show drought. Sure, there's Jarvis, but not until July 21. Then there is George Michael, on the 23rd, followed by Dead or Alive on the 26th. But what do we do until then?

Quest for Fire, I am looking to you. According to your MySpace page, early July is pretty quiet. Why not come to NYC and take advantage of the weak American dollar? It's the right thing to do.

Here's their video for "I've Been Trying to Leave." Clearly the subtitle should be (Toronto, and Go Play in New York).

another hit I'll take on the chin

2008-06-11T22:14:00.000-04:00

Sloan's new album, Parallel Play, came out yesterday. My pre-ordered copy is somewhere in the mail, but Yep Roc is nice and lets you download it as well as having a hard copy.

This morning, after spilling my coffee on my light blueish green shirt ("I'd call that seafoam," said a co-worker who shouldn't say things like "seafoam"), on my long, hot walk to the train, I listened to the album for the second time - first on headphones.

I wasn't going to be easy to please after this terrible coffee-spilling start to the day (and after being bitterly disappointed in Never Hear the End of It), but I clearly and officially really like this record. I have a couple of favorites right now, but I share with you "The Dogs." It's the longest and maybe the best.

Sloan are on tour now. I will see them next Friday (not Thursday. I have REM on Thursday), and I think you should too.

mog.com

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don't worry about your future

2008-06-09T11:52:00.003-04:00

This morning, on the way to work (sipping on an ICED coffee -- thank you so much, Daniela, for asking) I was listening to the previously discussed "Lovely Allen" and realized that I love it because it reminds me of Thrush Hermit's glorious "Patriot." The videos are quite different, I think you'll find, but I can't hold that against Holy Fuck. No one can come close to "Patriot."

In other news, Dollie and I spent about 50% of the day on the train yesterday, which was a wise plan as the train was cold. One of our journeys took us to BAM to see "Reprise," and wow, was that great. I give it five stars. You should see it and love it, for you will, plus then we can discuss Kommune. It's simply too good to spoil.

I know you seen me on the video

2008-06-06T22:24:00.004-04:00

I have a strange relationship with music videos. I loved them, mainly. At first, they were a novelty to be enjoyed late on Friday nights or whenever I was visiting Long Island. Once we had cable, I began consuming music videos the way I had previously consumed books, constantly, passionately, voraciously. I still remember the first time I saw "Pictures of You," "Lies" (oh, "Lies"!), even "Underwhelmed" (how is this video nowhere online?).

Then music videos became harder to find. And I started in on a job where my daily (and most wonderful) task included reading comments from people who were very disappointed by the lack of music programming on a music channel. Hey, I understood. They weren't sending their comments to the right place, but if they were looking for a sympathetic ear, they found it.

During that seven-year tenure, music videos became increasingly easy to find. There were the nonstop videos on VH1 Classic, for one (of course they have since given up on videos almost entirely) and the whole watching-videos-online thing, which I just cannot fully embrace. I like the convenience, sure, but I have a really big, really nice TV that I'd rather be watching. On it, I view episodes of "Subterranean," usually a few at a time. I put watching off because it feels like homework, because I hate almost everything played. Seriously, mediocre songs, hideously ugly hipsters, bad animation -- this is not where music videos should have gone.

Tonight, while watching last week's "Subterranean," I saw a video that did it all right. The song is great, for one. The video is performance based, and the people look really into making music. (Hallelujah.) There are no lingering closeups of unattractive people or bad attempts at artistic filmmaking. It's a bunch of people (Holy Fuck, specifically) playing a song ("Lovely Allen," to be precise). And the director, Drew Lightfoot, is a genius, for he totally focuses at any given moment on exactly the instrument you want to see being manipulated right then.

I'd give this six stars if I did such things, but I don't. Instead, it gets five glorious stars. I will put the video here, but it's better on my big TV, for sure.

I didn't see it, I can't believe it

2008-06-05T19:22:00.004-04:00

I just had the most wonderful idea, but I've already talked myself out of it.

While reading Popbitch, I noted a fantastic acronym: IDNSHC. I have read it before and enjoyed it before. (For the uninitiated, it generally pops up in "Stood next to ___ at the urinal" posts. You can figure it out.) Today, for some reason, I fell deeply in love with IDNSHC and wanted it to be a part of my life. It has a wonderful HRH and/or esquire sort of air about it, so I decided it would be wonderful to use it with the name of anyone to whom it applied. Now, of course, that would mean I'd spend the next few months IDNSHC-ing pretty much every name ever mentioned in this site, but it would be worth it.

My fear, and the reason I've abandoned this plan, is that one day, I may forget a needed IDNSHC and scandalize myself and others. So, yeah. I'm pretty broken up about this lost affectation. Please that I may use it just this once: Have you seen this story about Sean Avery, IDNSHC? I am living for his concept of what fashion should be.

just for today, let go and slide away

2008-06-04T23:23:00.005-04:00

Every once in a while (more like every couple of years) I meet up with people I used to know and still sort of know, in the following-along-online way. Today was one such day.

There's the standard "What have you been up to?"/"Eh, the same. How about you?" exchange, generally. But this time was a bit more interesting. Me and Dollie, we've got a song. (You have heard this, right?) One other guy makes a living trying to figure out if someone urinating into another's orifices will transmit a crystal meth high. And then there's our movie-star peer.

Of course, I have seen this already and knew about it even before that, but I didn't really know how to show you. But I found out. Say Aloha to Aloha. (The magic starts one minute in. Embedding disabled by request, sadly. You must click here to see.)

In other news, I've been listening to Quest For Fire (featuring two Deadly Snakes) since I belatedly learned that they exist (oops!). So yeah, I like what I have heard so far and look forward to hearing more. That will happen in July, on The Storyboard Label, from what I understand. Hopefully they will play in New York soon thereafter.

Anyway, in the meantime, you will have to hear it on MySpace like I do. It's apparently being saddled with some sort of stoner-rock label, but I don't know much about that. To me it sounds like make-out music, you know, music boys play when they invite you over. The way I hear it, "Hawk That Hunts the Walking" exists in the same spirit as Verve's "Slide Away," which is an enormous compliment (seriously, why don't The Verve play that live anymore?) and means it's a total make-out song.

So yeah, crank up the computer and get busy!

PS I hate to see people lose, but dang, Sidney Crosby is one ugly bastard.

PPS I totally have a crush on Mike Babcock.

I know you feel let down

2008-06-02T19:13:00.000-04:00

There's a dog barking behind one of the houses. I like to think it is because I am singing this song out loud in my kitchen with the windows open and the little guy is singing along. Probably not though.

Anyway, I am going to keep singing it, because I got out of work on time which means I am alone in the house for a bit. Until I go off the deep end and start singing out loud on the subway, or magically become a decent enough singer that I will sing in the house in front of people, this is one of my few chances to go for it. Singing is good for the soul, you know.

Singing this (Long Way by The General Store) is excellent for the soul. Tam (and Lola, of course), I thank you for bringing this into my life lo many years ago.

Speaking of many years, today is 12 since I met Dollie. Whoa.

mog.com

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you're an angel to me

2008-06-01T21:31:00.003-04:00

Um, remember that whole re-crushing thing? Yeah. So it turns out, after watching Johnny Depp accept his MTV Movie Award, I've regressed further into re-crush territory. Clearly, I've never been righter than I was in 1987. Holy smokes.

seductive in small doses

2008-06-01T19:04:00.002-04:00

Sometime last week or the week before, I got re-crushed on someone. Re-crushed is bad, worse than newly-crushed. With newly-crushed, there's a lot of learning to do, things to watch for, things to look up.

With re-crushed, there is all of that, plus all of the stuff I'd originally experienced/written/talked about to re-explore. In other words, I've been trolling my old online diaries and annoying the heck out of my friends by making them flesh out my remembrances.

It's bad, but it isn't on purpose. Something in my brain chemistry does this to me. I don't mean it. It's a sickness, for serious.

No one understands the disease quite like the Trash Can Sinatras, who have given us a completely exhilarating song about it -- good luck not getting caught up in it.

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I love this song the way I love the people I get re-crushed on. "Hayfever" takes me over, "Drowners"-style. The crush takes me over, "Drowners"-style. By the time the song is over, you (well, I) believe you've been on the best ride ever that was just short enough to leave you feeling cheated. I don't think I've ever listened to it just once. Repeat! I can't remember why my last crush on this boy ended (someone else moved in, I'd guess), but once clearly wasn't enough. Repeat!

If you really want to enjoy the song, don't dig too deep. It's pretty dark. Poor Harry. He's creepy, yeah, but oh can I relate. [Wo]men, germs, why can't a couple of tablets take care of both? I think Harry might be a maniacal stalker (at least in the lyrics I am finding online ... many of which I never knew or would have guessed) but I understand much of his ailment.

I also must note that the first time I heard this song it was featured on a Details magazine giveaway CD. I am old.

shut it up now

2008-05-30T22:25:00.003-04:00

Poor Dollie. Oh, you have no idea what she's had to listen to for the past two weeks. It's about a boy, of course. It almost always is. I only talk about two things, work and a boy, not always the same boy, but generally only one at a time. At least this boy is pretty great, so that's helpful. The thing is, he really likes talking and listening, so in a perfect world, I could talk to him about him and he'd probably never get annoyed, but we don't live in a perfect world, do we? No. And poor Dollie has to pay.

if there's another way to do it you'd think I'd know by now

2008-05-03T09:28:00.002-04:00

This Personal DNA assessment is a lot better than the "incredible jerk" result I anticipated, so I'm pretty happy with it.

Benevolent Idealist

Stolen from Kim

waiting for tonight ... whoaaaaoaahahoaoahooo!

2008-05-02T00:10:00.005-04:00

Here is the story of tonight (please read it as a very bad limerick):

There once was a girl named Jane
Who loves the Rangers and everyone said they would lose
So she screamed and she screamed
And they played really great
And Henrik got a shutout and Jagr was awesome and then she went and drank too many snakebites and now reheated an old eggroll and will go to bed in her Avery Rules t-shirt.

The end ... ?

PS For the first time, Gardenvision showed TWO of my text messages!
PPS Definitely for serious, I name my first born child that is a boy Sean Avery. Internal bleeding will do that to a girl.

it's OK, I know nothing's wrong

2008-04-30T22:48:00.005-04:00

Why does the world hate me? I am a nice lady. Why is it that I must get terrible Sean "My Soul Brother" Avery news (which, for 20 minutes there, was basically, "He got a heart attack and probably died.") after a terrible loss, followed by a terrible episode of "American Idol" that I had to watch in the midst of other terrible times. No, really. I had to watch it. Like, for serious.

Also, why are people who are supposed to be my friends waging some sort of imaginary feud against me? Don't be mean to me. I am good! Where did I go wrong? I am at a loss. Honestly, I deserve better than this.

Do you deserve this video? It's hard to say. But I offer it to you anyway:

honestly I don't remember who you are

2008-04-27T22:07:00.006-04:00

Here's what happened:

Hockey. We win, we lose, it runs my life. PS Have you met Fredrik Sjostrom?

<--

I mean, really. Whoa, right? Today hockey isn't looking great, but we will still win the Stanley Cup and I will still get my tattoo.

In other news, everything else is difficult and making me miserable, including the fact that my annual (see 2007 and 2006) so so so wrong obsession with a so so so wrong man has come around, and he's pulling a "CSI: Miami" this year. I can laugh about it now, but that doesn't make it OK.

Hmm, what else? Finally, after getting my hands on the book years late (and then choosing to put it on the backburner and avoid reading it right after my poor Nipsey went to heaven), I am reading "The Year of Magical Thinking." Which is great because I can't even listen to "11:11" without crying (believe me, I have tried!), clearly a book about death is just what I need during these fragile (for some reason) days. But what Joan Didion does (what she always does) is make me itch to write my book. So I have been, a tiny bit. A very tiny bit. I came home last night after an unsettling outing with El Fano (the movie was disturbing, not the company) and wrote two small parts. I think I only have about 1,200 other parts to go. Hooray!

In these uncertain times, a good song to listen to is "Second Chance," by Liam Finn, because it feels like a shot of adrenaline, mostly when it gets to the "you stand around your haunted home" mark. I love it right now, and I hope you like it too.

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third-period conversations

2008-04-03T21:19:00.005-04:00

Me: I can't believe I didn't win a Peabody again.
DB: Yeah, I noticed that.
Me: Another year, another missed Peabody.
DB: I could give you a Peabody.
Me: Really?
DB: Sure. I could pee on your body.
Me: Eew! No.
DB: Although it's PEAbody, like peas. I guess I could put peas on your body. Frozen peas. But you could really do that yourself.

...

DB: Ohhhh. Why is [hockey player] so foxy?
Me: He's very dirty. I learned that the hard way.
DB: What did you hear?
Me: Nothing. But I told you, I had that dirty dream of him.
DB: Did he give you a Peebody?
Me: No! Yuck.
DB: That's my joke of the day.

...

DB: I think People should do the 50 Biggest Butts list. I bet there would be at least forty hockey players on it. They'd probably be more likely to do the 50 Most Fabulous Butts. But I'd rather see Biggest Butts. Although Michael Moore might be on it. Who else? J.Lo, though her butt isn't even that big anymore. Kim Kardashian. Who is known for having a big butt? The lady who's always on the cover of King magazine. Let's say there's 10. So the rest are hockey players.

...

And ... we're in the playoffs! This will only get worse.

separate the girls from the boys

2008-04-02T22:15:00.004-04:00

I was separated from the boys today at work. So, of course, I have taken to singing "North Dakota." Not because it's as dramatic as all that, but how many opportunities do I get to bust this one out (alone, in my own house.)

If you know, then you know. And if you don't, I'm here to help. (Click play, it will change you. And you could use a little change.)

mog.com

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OK, everybody: Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh ooooh oooooh ....

If you're having a bad day, I highly recommend singing this song at top volume for an hour. It's totally working for me. Of course, it helps if you already know the song and are also drinking beer. It's even more fun to sing it at top volume in a booth at Flannery's (or at least it was, 10 years ago) while drinking beer, but I take what I can get these days.

Now, it's drinking a 24-oz Corona out of goblet (I am a classy lady) and pumping the Hermit on iTunes while putting off watching "American Idol." I am also trying to buy myself some stuff at Sephora (honestly, that Black Honey collection was made for me!) to blank the pain away, but the site is being a butt.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure it's the singing that's really cheering me up. Also of note, I typed "Dakota" into the search, so I get to sing "North Dakota" and the Stereophonics' "Dakota." It's like a dream, really. I bet you wish you were here.

has anyone ever written anything for you

2008-03-08T18:40:00.003-05:00

!!!!

let's burn up the night

2008-03-05T22:08:00.003-05:00

Have I mentioned how much I love "Cheaters"? OK, so I love "Cheaters." My stepfather, whose TV watching is mainly limited to sports, "Law & Order" reruns, "Cops" and the Lifetime Movie Network (yeah, we can't figure that one out either) introduced me to it, and I've been hooked since.

Did you see that "Fashionable People" by the Joel Plaskett Emergency was the #1 featured video on YouTube? Because that pretty much completely blew my mind. Also, it inspired what is probably my second favorite Joel quote ever: "He's like the opposite of Samson--he had to cut his hair to BECOME awesome in his power! If that crap doesn't make him a million dollars in pussy, nothing will." Oh Shanno, I miss you so. [Top favorite Joel quote, also from Shanno: "Iron deficiency man"]

Canadian Music Week is happening now, but I am not in Canada. Remember the fun we used to have at CMW? Remember the fun we used to have full stop? It it time for a return to fun. I demand it. The fun starts now. Or soon. This weekend, let's say. I need some time to prepare. Plus I have a lot of "Cheaters" on the DVR, and we're at 98% capacity.

good ideas do not fall out of thin air

2008-03-02T10:44:00.002-05:00

Mike Viola is moving. He's off to Los Angeles in a couple of weeks, for a good long while, I'd imagine. (He does have a little girl and all. You don't want to uproot a kid a couple of times a year.)

I warned Dollie that she wasn't allowed to cry at Friday's farewell show, but I started myself during the second verse of like the third song. And then I stopped. And then I started again like 10 other times.

So this was supposed to be the post where I talk about the huge role Mike Viola's music has played in my life, how we've probably seen him live more than 100 times over the past 11 years, how he came to our house and sang "I Want It That Way" to a Ewan McGregor pillow (on camera!), how he's the first thing that Dollie and I discovered and adopted together, and probably one of the bigger reasons that Jane and Dollie became jane&dollie®

But then ... Mike said they'd be back for another run of shows in the fall. So when we said goodnight, I didn't cry. Six or seven months? I can handle six or seven months.

In the meantime, enjoy this. And keep September-November clear.

mog.com

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get out of town and forever be free

2008-02-25T22:06:00.001-05:00

I have a monster crush, which means that I am feeling a little in love right now (or a lot in like, at least) — in that fun one-sided way that I enjoy. When I feel this way, it makes everything sound a little better and more romantic, including songs.

And so I present "Forever For Her (Is Over For Me), which may be some old last-ditch effort by Jack White to get Renee Zellweger back (Is that true? I feel like I read it somewhere once), but more than that, it's totally a super-dreamy love song that I have certainly not been skipping on my iPod lately.

I'm not completely sold on The White Stripes and I'm really not a fan of this album, but honestly, "Everybody's reaction is changing you/ But their love is only a fraction of what I can give to you" is like over the moon stuff, people.

Perhaps it is sad story that I find nothing more romantic than a plea to run away together, but come on, that's romantic! I'd probably go anywhere with a person if he wrote me this song. Wouldn't you?

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chock full of expectations

2008-02-23T11:11:00.002-05:00

So sometime last week — Monday, I think — I finally got around to visiting Mike Viola's web site, which I don't do daily. Turns out he posted on 2/14 that this Joe's Pub party was a send-off ("I'm waving goodbye, you think I'm waving hello"). He's moving his family to Los Angeles.

While we wish them happiness, fun and amazing success in L.A., it's a huge downer to lose them, especially after getting to see him play all these weeks in a row. It's been 11 years that we've been following Mike Viola's career, and back in the beginning, he played out all the time with the Candy Butchers. We'd see them once a week at a minimum. What a delight.

Anyway, here's a Mike Viola song about everything ever. It's not a great example of his similarities to Marshall Crenshaw (see last week's post), but it's a great example of his greatness, in that it's totally live, very simple and completely devastating. He isn't even showing off what a great singer and guitar player he is on this one. There are probably 10 MV songs on my 100 Greatest Songs of All Time list, but this is way up there.

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Also, if you are keeping track, I got a crazy bad crush on someone at the show (not Mike Viola, obviously). If you want to know more, find me and ask about it. Poor Dollie and Kim would certainly like a break from hearing about him. He is dreamy, though.

maybe you'll understand me

2008-02-17T16:46:00.003-05:00

On Friday night, at around 12:30AM (OK, I guess that's really Saturday morning), I had a very strange experience. My favorite musician at age seven (Marshall Crenshaw) and my favorite musician for the past 10 years now (Mike Viola) did a few songs together on stage.

They started out with the Crenshaw standard "Someday, Someway," and while that is probably not my favorite song of his, it's perfect in every way. The moment was, well, stupendously bizarre. In a good way.

And while I imagine a few dozen others felt exactly the same way (it's not a stretch that a Mike Viola fan would be a Marshall Crenshaw fan), it seemed like it was a special moment just for me.

I'd also imagine that everyone has heard "Someday, Someway" a billion times now, but maybe you haven't. You really should.

mog.com

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I will come back soon and write more. Promise.

bleh

2008-01-15T22:49:00.000-05:00

Another beautiful child gone too soon. I hate when people die so young.

SERIOUSLY, who is going to bankroll my home for wayward celebrities? I have lives to save.

PS: The Los Angeles Times, you disgust me. A photo in handcuffs, really? That'll come back to you.

I'm writing this letter to let you know

2008-01-04T19:23:00.000-05:00

I think this is the greatest email ever. Is that so wrong? Everything about it makes my heart sing.

From: Hatty Penny

Subject: Does your lady make you sick? Cheer up!

Are you getting bored with your witch? The same woman all the time is lifeless! These girls will knock you out.

karate school!

2007-12-27T22:22:00.000-05:00

Finally, YouTube comes through. I was doing a little game-show research and stumbled upon this, which is a longstanding favorite of mine. You will love it.

like The McLaughlin Group Awards, only different

2007-12-25T22:39:00.000-05:00

What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before? Handed in a letter of resignation, met a New York Ranger. Surely some other things as well.

Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't remember them. I always resolve to be better, so I'm guessing that I kept it in some ways and didn't in many others.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

Did anyone close to you die? No.

What countries did you visit? Not even Canada.

What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A new apartment. Other things.

What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory? July 9.

What was your biggest achievement of the year? Walking away from an abusive relationship with my job.

What was your biggest failure? Falling into the same patterns in a new place.

Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing requiring serious medical attention.

What was the best thing you bought? My heathered blue Gap European collection dress.

Whose behaviour merited celebration? Everyone I love, pretty much.

Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Why give it any more airtime?

Where did most of your money go? Rent, cable, Metrocards. What a thrilling existence!

What did you get really, really, really excited about? Hockey. Flight of the Conchords. "Big Brother" (wow, that is sad).

What song/album will always remind you of 2007? There aren't too many songs that have time-sensitive memories linked to them -- this wasn't the year that I played "___" all (summer/winter). But I have a very vivid '07 memory tied to "On Call" by Kings of Leon, so let's go with that.

Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? happier
Thinner or fatter? fatter
Richer or poorer? poorer

What do you wish you’d done more of? Celebrating.

What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying.

How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas? With my family, like always.

Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? My mom.

Did you fall in love in 2007? The acceptable answer is "No." But I'm going with "I don't know." I am unacceptable.

How many one night stands in this last year? Zero.

What was your favourite TV programme? "Flight of the Conchords."

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I have no valid reason to hate.

What was the best book(s) you read? "All Souls." I'm a bit behind.

What was your greatest musical discovery? That my mind can change a lot. Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte and a dude from The Strokes all put out some music that I actually enjoyed.

What did you want and get? A job at Madison Square Garden.

What did you want and not get? There's still a week to find out. I live in hope.

What were your favourite films of this year? "Lars and the Real Girl." "Once." "The Darjeeling Limited."

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? That actual day, I went to dinner with Dollie. The weekend after, I had dinner with Dollie and a whole bunch of other friends -- two of them traveled a billion miles to be there. I was (and am) 32.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More money. More time off. Fewer infestations.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Short Dress, Black Tights

What kept you sane? Friends, family, hockey, sleep.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Jemaine!

What political issue stirred you the most? Stirred: The crappy lineup of talent out front in the presidential race. I am unimpressed. Shaken, on the other hand: Just about everything else.

Who did you miss? Kim. Some people at MTV. Some people who aren't alive.

Who was the best new person you met? I met a lot of new good people, so I can't say. It may hurt the others' feelings. But he/she knows, I think.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
If you gotta go, go now. Or else you gotta stay all night.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"You have suffered enough/ And warred with yourself/ It's time that you won."

can't stop it, won't stop it

2007-12-04T22:21:00.000-05:00

Jennifer Lopez, I adore you.

I love your dress

2007-12-03T22:34:00.000-05:00

OK, so the hockey game SUCKED (I blame myself; clearly wires were crossed and Matt Cullen and his teammates made off with my good wishes and luck) — but there was a big Theory sale, and Dollie went and picked me up this great perfect dress. It is my first Theory dress! And it is great, perfect and great. Hooray!

that's why it'll never work

2007-11-30T19:50:00.001-05:00

I just killed a bug with my hand and instantly regretted it. I announced, "That was shitty. Now I feel bad about it." Um, no one is here. Who am I talking to!?!

In better news, Dollie is my hero. You may not get that bananacake joke (well, well, well, you should!), but trust me, it's the best thing ever written.

And so ends my month of daily blogging. I'm not sure if it would be more or less impressive were I not writing two posts a day over at the work blog, but I did it.

Speaking of the work blog and things that I do, every day in December (Yes, weekends. Yes, Christmas) there will be a new 2007 year-end list. That's 31 lists. It all starts tomorrow. I won't tell you exactly what the first theme will be, but I can give you one clue (Why? Because who's going to stop me? I already killed a bug today. Look out.) That clue is: Sean Kingston. Be sure to stop by, disagree with me, post your own lists and suggest other Best Of lists. Seriously, comment all day long. Become the new Bradley. I'd love it.

no one else can feel it for you

2007-11-29T22:44:00.000-05:00

I love winning. And we won! Even though I wasn't there. Finally. Nice one, boys.

Also, this is so wonderful. But then again, it could just be that I love James Franco. And the name Justin Bobby.

say something, anything

2007-11-28T22:23:00.000-05:00

I am feeling better, and work has been good, but it is very frustrating to keep churning out genius high-quality blog post after genius high-quality blog post to no fanfare and few comments. It is making me feel sad and unappreciated. You know what would make me feel better? A movie deal. And a new apartment, with a fireplace and a backyard.

shake the disease

2007-11-27T21:46:00.001-05:00

I'm feeling better, a lot better, but still really awful. So I did what anyone in my position (two blocks away from Macy's) would do. I went to Henrik to be healed. Am I healed? Not so far. But I did get to look at him in person and stand right in front of him for a full 20 seconds and even talk to him a little. Plus I got a signed puck.

He's totally all gorgeous in person, in case you were wondering.

it's the #1 fact of life

2007-11-26T22:30:00.000-05:00

Dear YouTube,

You suck. Not only do you not have "VD Gets Around," you keep giving me some other weird square white people VD commercial instead (which is just creepy). Plus how can you not have "I'm a dog, I'm a working dog, I'm a hard working dog!" I'm disgusted.

love*jane

she sits in our old place all day long

2007-11-26T07:29:00.001-05:00

Sick days? SICK DAYS?! You know how I feel about sick days. In my mind, I am very ready to get back to work. My body is not cooperating. I woke up, somewhat disheartened by the rain (Ugh, I guess I better take the bus -- not a good idea to be walking that golden mile in the rain when you're sick), only to be hit by a 15-minute cough fest that produced something too gross to describe (but awesome) and utter swooning exhaustion. I am not ready to go back. Bleh.

how can I ease the pain?

2007-11-25T21:39:00.000-05:00

What a waste of vacation, lying on the couch in misery, watching the Rangers lose twice and hating everything ever. I really really need to be back in good form for work tomorrow, and I really need sleep, so I have concocted a reasonably lovely hot toddy for myself (with spiced dark rum, honey, hot water, ginger, lemon and cloves) for I am sure these voodoo remedies have to work better than the OTC crap that isn't doing a thing.

PS: This title brought to you by this :

all the people say, "stay at home tonight"

2007-11-24T21:37:00.000-05:00

I've watched a lot of TV today — "The Hills," "Life," "49 Up," "The Soup," "Carpoolers," "Cavemen," "How I Met Your Mother," much of a "John Edward: Coast to Coast" marathon
and more, but this National Geographic Channel show about how pigs are the smartest things ever may be the best. In case you were wondering.

I got sick, then I got sicker

2007-11-23T22:11:00.001-05:00

The flu? Seriously? But I felt fine yesterday. Apparently that's how it works with the flu. I woke up this morning and couldn't move from the aches and pains. Now I am exhausted, aching, fevered and bleh with a sore throat. Please God, that I didn't pass it on to anyone yesterday.

happy thanksgiving

2007-11-22T21:08:00.000-05:00

Dinner for eight was a success, but I am so tired.

go-oh-ohhhhl!

2007-11-21T23:54:00.000-05:00

Yay Colton Orr! I know it's not his Thanksgiving, but he came across with something to make me say thanks. Oh, I love to win. And I love when the win comes from an unexpected source.

you made me feel so bluuuuue!

2007-11-20T12:03:00.001-05:00

I did this, and I keep looking at it and I can't stop laughing. I am my own favorite comic genius! Also, quite handy with the paintbrush. Look out, Perez!

binary solo

2007-11-19T23:09:00.000-05:00

Ugh. All mechanical things are not cooperating with me. First it was the food processor. Then the HD-DVR (by the way, if I could do it all over again, I'd stick with the regular one) and now even the computer. It all makes me very cranky. Plus that I am cranky anyway, as I hate losing and had been, thankfully, quite unaccustomed to it. Argh.

things ain't cooking in my kitchen

2007-11-18T21:39:00.000-05:00

Thursday I am cooking — turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, corn, carrots, brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, cranberry relish, the whole deal — for 8-9 people. I love cooking, and I think I'm pretty good at it, but haven't made a meal in so long that I must be rusty. And I am terrified.

I'd rather be right than president

2007-11-17T18:50:00.000-05:00

You're Feingold-Kucinich!

As Russ Feingold, you are often on your own, a lone voice of sanity in an insane asylum.
You keep voluntarily returning to the asylum, convinced that you can change the minds of those around you. You talk about the need for personal freedom, to avoid fighting for the rest of one's life, and even the simple importance of cleaning up one's act. It seems no one is listening. You even want people to have rights to love and be healthy! Now that's just
crazy-talk.

You select Dennis Kucinich as your running mate to counterbalance Diebold's influence in Ohio.

Take the 2008 Presidential Ticket Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

five days to work, one whole day to play

2007-11-16T23:05:00.000-05:00

Today was exhausting, another 10.5 hour job. Tomorrow I plan to watch TV. Oh yeah, and work. How did this happen again?

like icing on the cake

2007-11-15T22:08:00.000-05:00

You know when you're having one of those weeks, where you're working a billion hours and not sleeping nearly enough and finding at the end of the day that you have maybe one or two things you've done that you're happy with and about (if you are lucky — I am)? How do you get through those weeks? Me, I have the New York Rangers. (And this week, the "I'm a citizen" guy). But you probably don't.

So tell me, what small victories and simple pleasures make your life worth living? I'm curious. After all, eventually it will be June and hockey will be all done. And it's not like I'm going to run into the "I'm a citizen" guy in the street. Besides tonight, I mean.

what'd you call me?

2007-11-14T23:57:00.000-05:00

Puppethead. Tang Teeth. Anti. The Extra Inch Guy. Just when you think we'd reached the peak of nicknaming genius, there's Falp. Of course that is an in-joke that cannot be explained right now, but trust that it is fantastic.

I'm a citizen, think she loves again

2007-11-13T23:11:00.001-05:00

Dollie is laughing at me because I am happy, giddily recounting my day at work. It was good! It was 13 hours long, but I loved every min— well, let's not get carried away. But I loved enough of it to leave smiling and still be smiling now. Most of the good stuff happened well after 6PM, but that's how it goes sometimes. I even laughed, like 50 times. 5 stars.

you're gonna meet me

2007-11-12T22:10:00.000-05:00

(that's Sam Rosen, Dave Maloney, Ryan Hollweg and Sean Avery.)

Today I went to a Rangers season subscriber event, and Sean Avery had to leave early because he had to meet a girl's parents for the first time. Ha! Which girl? What parents? Page Six better have the goods. Anyway, I found that hilarious. The whole thing was all so delightful and wonderful. I left it thinking, "I love my team and want to be best friends with Sean Avery." The end.

soap for sore eyes

2007-11-11T19:26:00.000-05:00

Do you love "Carpoolers"? I do. Though I'd love it more if there were more car singing and games and a little less plot.

In other news, I made myself a vow that I could not buy the "Flight of the Conchords" DVDs until I got the DVR down to 50%. It's on 83% now, and we watched A LOT of TV this weekend. I am in full support of this writers strike.

I represent Queens

2007-11-10T23:01:00.001-05:00

I've decided that I want to move to Kew Gardens, and take the LIRR to work every day. Wouldn't that be a delight? Do you have a Kew Gardens apartment for me? Do tell.

Professor Pickles!

2007-11-09T23:26:00.000-05:00

I am way too cold and tired to do this today, so I will leave you with this gorgeous 4 minutes of genius:

fake headlines, believe them

2007-11-08T22:45:00.000-05:00

Oh, if only this were happening. (You know it was inspired by that episode of "Inside the Rangers" I was telling you about. He looks just beautiful in it.)

Rangers' Orr Could Be The Bachelor?

How fantastic and hilarious would it be, though, seriously? Especially since he has a girlfriend and is not interested! Did I mention that it would be one hour a week of Colton Orr?! I'm starting a petition.

Dear Colton Orr's lovely girlfriend, You're in show business — get on with the show! You know these "Bachelor" fauxmances never last. What does it take, two weeks to film? Then he's back with you forever. Think of my entertainment. Please.

I can dish it out, but I can't take it

2007-11-07T21:31:00.000-05:00

November has become a strange month for me. Two years ago in November, I went on a weekend trip to Florida to visit my grandfather, for what would be our final days together. He was really sick. While my Dad and I were there, we kind of knew it would be the last time. Of course we hoped it wouldn't, and we believed it wouldn't, but we knew it could be.

Last November, when I often flashed back to those last days, it wasn't surprising. It was a big deal (certainly the first time I spent with someone while knowing it was very possible that it would be the last), and it was only a year away. And I'm prone to flashing back on moments, not memories, really, just strange still images of places and feelings. Like a weirdo. But yeah, I'm having it again this year. Maybe I'll have it forever. Who can say? It's not disturbing or unpleasant. It's just kind of strange. Perhaps in a good way.

What this has to do with the following song is debatable. On one hand, nothing at all. But on the other, this album defined last winter for me, and that must count for something. It's everything that I love in a song. I should probably now explain how my favorite songs are either 2 minute perfect pop songs or 7 minute tempo-change epics, but you get the idea. Here's Limousine, from Brand New, which is apparently inspired by a true story of a horrible drunk driving death but is also about 900 other things as far as I can tell. It's glorious — tragic and soaring and heartbreaking and beautiful and so so so November.

mog.com

More about this song

what have I done to deserve this?

2007-11-06T21:12:00.000-05:00

I have had "Lisa Lisa" stuck in my head all day. Not Lisa Lisa, but "Lisa Lisa". Oh no oh no oh.

In better news: Hey, did you know they had Inbreds videos? Me neither! I love the Internets.

there's a joke here somewhere

2007-11-05T23:38:00.000-05:00

I am too busy for this right now! Instead read The Monitor. Beginning Tuesday we're asking for and publishing Top 5 Comedians lists. Good times.

Also, love this video. I do.

please stay off the stage all day

2007-11-04T19:51:00.000-05:00

Hey, were you in that "musical act"? The one that was playing on Manhattan Avenue, where Bedford turns into Nassau? The one featuring that "DJ" (playing MP3s on a computer — with those very professional minute-plus gaps between). Were you even the one guy — who looked like, well, every awful Williamsburg hipster stereotype you can think of — standing on a box yelling inane things into a microphone. Things like "Give it up, Greenpoint." And "You can do it, F29!" at a professional runner. Oh can she do it? Really? Like for a living, even?

Yeah, you suck.

back here where we need you

2007-11-03T23:31:00.000-04:00

Sean Avery returned to the ice tonight. We won, but the big story is the return of his great big mouth. There was a whole lot of on ice action (seriously, can't they come up with an adults-only broadcast where everyone is mic-ed?), and then this:

Sean Avery was asked how exactly Marty Brodeur responds when he’s in his face the whole game. “His accent’s too thick. I can’t understand him.” Avery also referred to David Clarkson as a “boneheaded minor leaguer.” Good to have Avery back to fill up our notebook. (Rangers Report)

There's a picture of Avery and Brendan Shanahan, when you first walk in at The Garden, and they're on the bench, both smiling and looking down. And it might remind you of me and Dollie, where Dollie's Sean Avery and I am Shanny, for a number of reasons. I think that still holds true, but when it comes to Brodeur, me and Avery are of one mind. I love it.

guess how much

2007-11-02T23:33:00.000-04:00

Do you watch half-hour infomercials for Time-Life music collections? Because I do. They are my favorite programming. I'm a big fan of "Malt Shop Memories," and just tonight I discovered "Soft Rock" starring Air Supply. These small delights are what I live for, honestly. Also, on this genius 30 minutes of television I discovered that there is a video for Benny Mardones' "Into the Night," but I cannot find it on YouTube. If you have it, please share. Especially if you can get it to me by early December.

I want to be haunted

2007-11-01T22:48:00.000-04:00

I admit it: I totally thought it was Luis Guzman, not Rick Aviles in "Ghost." And I've hated him ever since.

Also, if you like the New York Rangers, or even just hockey — or, in all honesty, even just men — you really really REALLY might want to watch this week's "Inside the Rangers". It will change your life.

I miss my funky friends

2007-10-28T23:03:00.000-04:00

I had my birthday party on Saturday, and some very special people made the trip all the way from Minneapolis. They are at JFK now, and I miss them already.

Anyway, many wonderful friends from near and far attended the celebration, which was held at my favorite restaurant. The proprietors were nice enough to let me play a DVD, so I made a mix (which took all day Saturday to make). I found one of my favorite bits on YouTube, for your viewing pleasure. I find it to be a timeless delight. Enjoy!

you don't bring me flowers anymore

2007-10-17T22:20:00.000-04:00

Soon it is my birthday, my birthday, my birthday. Soon it is my birthday, a birthday for me.

(You were supposed to sing that part.)

Why am I so happy excited for my birthday? Well, I have to be happy excited for something, it is my only joy. And since everything else is either boring or a giant suck, I will be all about the birthday.

Speaking of me and my birthday, if we were BFFs and you were going to buy me a wonderfully extravagant present, what would it be?

there was time to kill

2007-10-07T20:31:00.000-04:00

Next Rangers game (that I have tickets to): 142 hours

My birthday: 16 days (yes, even at my advanced age, I still live for my birthday)

"Flight of the Conchords" on DVD: 30 days

Surely there are other great things to be excited for and look forward to, but I can't think of them right now. Instead, enjoy this totally weird video for "Countdown," by Pulp. And wonder how it is that I have never seen it before. Speaking of weird Pulp videos, I really need to dig up my 12-year-old mashup video for "97 Lovers." I wouldn't hold my breath for that to actually happen.

remember the time

2007-10-01T22:00:00.001-04:00

Today was my first day at a new job. Those of you who know me know that this doesn't happen very often, as I am terribly loyal, holding on to a job far longer than I should in some cases. So yes, that was new and exciting.

In other big-changes news, I finally got the HD DVR to go with the HD TV I bought last October. Surely sports and movies are going to be infinitely more enjoyable with this new cable box, and it has some sweet features like the option to start recording a show late — so I was able to DVR "The Office" (end time 10:01PM) "Grey's Anatomy" (end time 10:02PM) and "Without a Trace" (start time 10PM) — but it is lacking a few things. One problem is that the time elapsed doesn't show up when you're fast-forwarding anymore, just an arrow that shows you where you are in the show. Um, that's not good enough.

Tonight, I said, "I really miss the time," as I zipped through "Subterranean." And Dollo replied, "Ohh. ... Really?"

Because she thought I meant Morris Day's band. Seriously.

Luckily, I don't really miss The Time. I think they still tour, for one thing, plus I can enjoy gems like this whenever I like. What a delight.

just can't wait to get on the road again

2007-09-24T11:14:00.001-04:00

Dear Vroom Vroom Guy,

Seriously, vroom vroom-ing while going 25MPH behind a Greyhound in the Lincoln Tunnel?

And the Baltimore Orioles? Really? If you could hear what I was saying in my car, you'd know that New Jersey plates surrounded by an Orioles plate-pretty makes you the saddest man ever. Also, a plate-pretty? Stop it.

In other news, we thought you might be a woman. Just so you know.

Your friend,
Jane

***

Dear Cabdriver,

You know who you are, the guy who doesn't know the rules of the road who almost killed us with a moronic cut off on East Houston and Avenue A last night. Remember me, the girl in the passenger seat of the Charger with Jersey plates (rental) screaming at you to "JUST F-ING GO ALREADY" — while wildly pointing in the direction that you needed to go — when you decided you wanted block traffic in order to stop and stare at us (what?) and then flip me off.

Flip me off? Oh, sir. You are so lucky. You are lucky that I so effectively suppress my crazy. For if I had chosen that moment to have my inaugural lapse, I'd have jumped out of the car, opened your door, thrown you on the street and stepped on your neck before setting your beard on fire. Because that is what I did in my mind.

YOU DON'T WANT IT WITH ME!

I know you thought you could intimidate us with your voodoo stare because we were two girls in the front seat. Don't let appearances fool you. Next time, you could pull that trick on two girls with a shotgun between them. I'm just saying.

Also, you may want to consider trimming the beard a bit. Between your eyebrows, hat(I think?) and the beard that starts a centimeter below your eyes (and not in an adorable Matt Cullen way), no wonder you can't drive — you can't see!

Hope that helps,
Jane

good things are fantastic

2007-09-19T10:28:00.000-04:00

In the interest of improving your life with my inane thoughts, I've decided to post far too frequently for as long as I can keep it up. Because why not?

In that vein, I don't believe that I have introduced my star system of grading. It's quite simple, like all great things. Things that are great (a la — and including — Alec Baldwin's Tony Bennett) get five stars. All other things get zero stars.

Two examples from this morning:

My Black Ice Chai (it's a chai latte, with shots of espresso, from this lovely local cafe) gets five stars.
Dollie also gets five stars for trekking there to get it, and waking me up at 9:40 to drink it (oh, I will miss this luxury!)
On the other hand, El Fano's news that he can't go shopping with us on Saturday because he has to help his office move (seriously, how CHEAP ARE THESE MOTHERF-ERS!) gets zero stars.

Get it? Got it? Good.

it's a living thing

2007-09-19T01:35:00.000-04:00

I responded to what I thought was a promising apartment rental post on Craigslist, and heard back from some dude who wanted me to wire $950 to London. Yeah, I'll get right on that.

What I might as well do is list here what I do want. It's about as useful as trolling Craigslist for no-fees, right?

Seeking 3-bedroom apartment with exclusive backyard or roof deck access. Big rooms, eat-in-kitchen, lots of light and closets. Cats and small dogs OK. Rents for < $2000. No fee.
Will also take 2 bedroom under the right circumstances (desired neighborhood, <$1500). Or two 1-bedrooms (under $750 each) located in the same building (same floor preferred). January 15 move-in date.

Wish me luck!

feeling like an orchid

2007-09-19T00:58:00.001-04:00

I could be accused of serving just to serve, and I apologize in advance for my poor humor, but I have to call out this New York Vulture interview with some 21-year-old goof from a pretty lame band.

Like "The Hills," this interview with Zach Condon makes me so glad I'm not 21, but unlike "The Hills," it isn't even fun.

Key points that made my eyes roll out of my head:

Living among Hasidm in "South Williamsburg" makes him feel like he's in "an entirely different country"
the "guilty pleasure" question on the whole — can't blame the kid for that one, but he does get daggers for "even Bruce Springsteen" answer. Oh even him, hmm?
And, of course, "I'm an old man at heart."

I'm sure this Beirut fellow is a nice boy — though I've been hating the band's name since I first heard it — but this interview makes me want to throw tomatoes.

my dick need no introduction

2007-09-18T22:08:00.000-04:00

Have I mentioned my obsession with "Big Brother"? Well, I am obsessed with "Big Brother," more this season than any other (mainly due to my free time, I'd imagine), and tonight, my favorite player won! (Well, my favorite player after pretty Nick left.) Hooray!

going blank again

2007-09-17T18:02:00.000-04:00

Brett Somers died Saturday. I didn't know.

Where was her tribute on the Emmys? Did no one know until today? I'm devastated, of course. She is one of my heroes.

One time, I went to see Charles Nelson Reilly's "Life of Reilly" stage show, and Brett Somers sat near me in the audience, and I nearly fainted of excitement.

I will miss them both.

waiting for something to break

2007-09-17T12:09:00.001-04:00

A couple of weeks back, I had a job interview that featured some of the standard job interview questions. One was, "What is your dream job?" The position I was there for — or at least the building that the position was in — came pretty close, I thought. At least until I can retire and be a feisty old lady who owns a bar.

But what David Chase reminded me during his Emmy acceptance speech last night, and what I thought of again this morning as I started up the season finale of "Rescue Me" and the Lemonheads' "My Drug Buddy" opened the show, is that my actual dream job (does this job even really exist?) is to pick the songs to play over TV shows and movie scenes, crucial montages especially.

This is probably only a part-time gig that I could still do while holding down a full-time job. So yes, I'm available for that immediately and forever.

And here's "Rudderless." It's not "My Drug Buddy" — it's better.

mog.com

More about this song

don't answer me

2007-09-10T23:32:00.000-04:00

News anchor: ... and something something rugby rage.

Me: Dollie, I think I have rugby rage.

Dollie: I would not be surprised.

Me: Huh? What is that supposed to mean?!

Dollie: I don't know. It just seemed like the only appropriate response.

it's not a f-ing school play production

2007-09-10T00:21:00.000-04:00

These were my first VMAs as a civilian since 1999.

What did I think? Well, I can't remember much, as I am a teeny bit drunk (I don't know how many Ginger-Pear Explosions I had — seriously, we need a real name for these drinks. I invented them during the NHL playoffs to take the edge off. They feature Absolute Pears, fresh ginger, lime and ginger ale — but it was more than three). But I do know that Britney Spears was terrible (WAKE UP, snoozy!), Fall Out Boy looked terrible (though I do love them lately, for some reason) and Gym Class Heroes winning ANYTHING is beyond terrible. Someday, when I am confident that I can do it while keeping my blood pressure in a safe range, I will explain every single thing that is wrong with their despicable "Clothes Off."

But yeah, Chris Brown is pretty great, Nelly Furtado seemed insanely drunk, Sarah Silverman said something that made me laugh for the FIRST TIME EVER (no idea what it was now), and I can't stop loving Linkin Park. Or Rihanna.

In wedding news (What wedding? Who knows?!) no one had on a look that I wanted to emulate for my wedding — like J. Lo rocked before — but I did enjoy Alicia Keys' appropriation of George Michael's "Freedom '90," which I will surely play (the real thing, I mean) at my wedding. The song takes you on a dance journey. Plus "I don't belong to you, and you don't belong to me" is too right-on to pass up.

OK, also, where the bleep was Fabrice Fabrice?

So yeah, I watched closely, from the 8PM pre-show to Sway's delightful 11:17ish sign off. When it was all over, I went back to my new non-reality, that which I know and love. "Flight of the Conchords," of course.

our love goes under the knife

2007-09-06T21:33:00.000-04:00

Idolator tells me that Charlotte Gainsbourg had surgery for a brain hemorrhage today. This reminds me that I should show you "The Operation," in case you've missed it.

Is that incredibly tasteless? Probably. It isn't meant to be. It's just that reading news about her reminded me that I have neglected to note that I love her — her songs, her hair (obviously), her face, her way. Jarvis Cocker wrote almost every song on 5:55 (Air and Neil Hannon worked on it too). That helps explain why I like it so much, but I like it more than Jarvis' solo album, so clearly Charlotte herself is a big part of the greatness. Anyway, here's "The Operation." Love it.

just another day

2007-09-05T22:28:00.001-04:00

On Monday, I asked Dollie, "Whoa, are the VMAs this weekend?"

They are. September 9. Sunday. It's a date that would be chiseled into my brain, leaving permanent damage, a day that would be my only focus had I not done something crazy on May 9. (That'd be announcing my resignation, for those of you who missed the memo.)

For real, MTV, I watch "The Hills," "The Real World," "Newport Harbor" and the odd "Engaged & Underage" — if I worked there until July, continue to watch the channel AND STILL don't know when the VMAs are, the promos are lacking.

But anyway, I'm free on Sunday night!

2000. 2001. 2002. 2003. 2004. 2005. 2006 — I know where I was (1515, 770, home in front of the computer) and what I was doing (working hard, crying, laughing, yelling).

For the first time in a very long time, I will enjoy the show (I think. I'm not even sure who's performing or who's up for prizes) as a spectator. And I'm having a party.

'sofa king hot'

2007-09-04T16:50:00.000-04:00

It's the first day back at work after a lovely long weekend for many, and if you need a boost, I recommend, as ever, Crunk + Disorderly.

Fresh had me laughing out loud twice in a row just now, due to her assessment of Richard Williams' dangerously "hot steps" and the "I vote Lloyd Banks"/"I still have every intention of backing Kenny Chesney" rip on 50 Cent. The woman is a genius.

please leave those poor sick monkeys alone

2007-09-02T22:14:00.000-04:00

I love "Flight of the Conchords," the HBO show. And I love Flight of the Conchords, the act — though it took creating a sitcom around the songs for me to truly appreciate lines like "They're turning kids into slaves just to make cheaper sneakers/ But what's the real cost 'cause the sneakers don't seem that much cheaper" (Love it for yourself!)

Bret and Jemaine are both lovely and amazing, but I am crazy about only one. The funny thing is that everyone I know has been able to guess which one. I am afraid to ask why.

It is Jemaine ("of course," you may be saying, if you know me.)

And here is a picture of him laughing and wearing a magnificent shirt.

It looks like it is from a party. I wasn't at that party. Instead I took the photo from Jemaine.com.

What is the point of all of this? Well, none really. Except the last episode of the show is on in about 15 minutes, and I'm already sad that it's all over (until next year). Yes, I've already watched the first 11 episodes several times each. If you have another suggestion to ease my wonderful pain (while I wait for "Eagle Vs. Shark" to either return to NY or hit DVD), I'm all ears.

100 Greatest Songs - Exhibit 3

2007-08-31T14:09:00.000-04:00

For Labor Day weekend, I present Mike O'Neill's "Andy" because it begins "Andy, the summer's over ..." Oh yes, and also because it's one of the greatest songs ever.

It's a simple little tune, this one. And I can't quite put my finger on why it's devastatingly brilliant, but I surely believe that it is, all 2 minutes and 30 seconds of it.

It has a bit of a dreamy sound to it — you're sort of floating along with him when he hits you with the "to think IT'S OVER!" at exactly the halfway point (genius). And it is certainly fun to sing (I've played it six times today and have belted out every last note along with Mr. O'Neill).

In all, it's a sigh of a song, mournful — about Andy (whoever that is), about time passing, about missing out on whatever it is that's right in front of you — in a tasteful way, with impressive restraint. Love it.

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run to me when you need a shoulder

2007-08-27T10:09:00.000-04:00

A while back I shared my plan for turning my apartment into a halfway house for wayward celebrities (I believe it was called Jane and Dollie's Halfway House for Wayward Celebrities, but now I can't find the post. How annoying). But I never followed through. And for that, for failing to share my healing help with my favorite famous people, I apologize to Owen Wilson (presuming this story is true -- for once, I hope the Enquirer got it wrong.)

Owen, when the detox is over, you are welcome to be our charter case. Unlike other rehabilitation facilities, JADHHFWC is a free service. Our cozy facility's amenities include a large TV with premium cable (therapeutic screenings of "Big Brother" and Rangers games are mandatory) and an extensive DVD library, lots of pillows, Digestive biscuits and tea every morning, story-time picnics in the adjacent park featured prominently in "Flight of the Conchords," a limited-edition DDYW T-shirt, lots of laughs and unlimited hugs. This offer is non-transferable.

you'd better start warming up

2007-08-15T01:28:00.000-04:00

Should I move to Minnesota?

It's not like I have a job here. And my friends keep leaving NY — and one of my #1 favorite people of all time ever already lives in MN. Plus Minneapolis is super fun.

But these things have been true before and I haven't left. Now, though, I am beginning to see a pattern.

Exhibit A:

My longtime pretend love, Josh Hartnett. He's from St. Paul.

Exhibit B:

My most recent heartbreak, "Big Brother" Nick is another Minnesotan (PS Did you notice how he wore a St. Cloud State shirt on "The Early Show" after he was evicted?)

And that matters because it's the alma mater of ...

The great Exhibit C:
(Click him. He talks!)

I may never get over his leaving me* (*OK, not me, but me) but maybe if I lived nearer to his home, it would ease the pain.

Or, you know, I could find my very own Minnesota dream boy. That may also work.

when the seasons change we'll look ridiculous

2007-08-12T16:19:00.001-04:00

I have had a worse season than this. Spring 1994 was hell on earth. Surely summer 2007 isn't that bad. But make no mistake, it is awful.

So in the interest of turning the beat around, I present "Summer's My Season," by Sloan. It's one long and dirgey play on words -- which would be painful, you'd think, but it's actually fantastic.

May it make the remaining weeks of this season bearable.

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don't worry about your future, just call in the patriot

2007-08-08T20:27:00.000-04:00

In case you haven't already (and surely many of you haven't already) enjoyed this, please enjoy it now. It's my favorite anything ever, and that endorsement should be enough, frankly.

You may not laugh and cry (though I sure did), but you will never be the same.

I present Thrush Hermit's "Patriot."

here at my nightmare's end

2007-08-03T15:33:00.001-04:00

It's amazing how a new haircut (Julie, I continue to worship you - by the way, I'm willing to share: She's at Deluxe in Williamsburg, and not only is she extremely talented and an absolute delight, but she's also gorgeous) and a mojito can totally change one's perspective.

Yes, while everything from trivial TV nonsense (Nick! Oh how I will miss you) to actual tragedies (both personal and public) still get me down in a serious way and most things continue to suck, I'm back from the brink.

I won't list all of the things that brought me to said brink (let's just say Murphy and his motherfucking laws can bite me), but I'm over it. My summer starts today.

Enjoy this wonderful song and its scary (and fantastic) mashup video — yes, I made it myself, about 400 years ago — for "Summertime Climb" by the Flashing Lights. It's my greatest creation, best appreciated if you are exceedingly awesome or at least on exceedingly awesome drugs.

I wonder if I take you home ...

2007-07-23T23:44:00.000-04:00

Here's just a little peek inside our house:

At 11:30 PM tonight, Dollie and I sat in the living room hysterically crying. She, at some certainly monumental and touching moment in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And me at a lady butchering the lyrics to "Uptown Girl" on "The Singing Bee." Mine was of the laughing-so-hard-I'm-wheezing type, which certainly makes me mentally unstable (in case you're keeping track).

Also, there will be more entries in my top 100, but I spent last week trying to dig myself out of a pit of despair, and I'll spend this week shopping, gambling and drinking, so I'll update when I can. Please stop the incessant begging.

Oh yes, and to give you a visual, please consult this video. Coincidentally, I am wearing the same pink outfit as Lisa Lisa right this minute. And Dollie is rocking the Full Force headgear and doing the dance — while reading her book! She is amazing.

100 Greatest Songs - Exhibit 2

2007-07-17T16:52:00.000-04:00

Today, I present "Smothered in Hugs," because my sunshine fund is low and because it seems an appropriate send off for the lovely Matt Cullen.

I hated this song when I first heard it, along with everything on Bee Thousand, an album so painfully low-fi that it smacked of a rich kid slumming. Seriously, unless you're living in a cave and recording with rocks, there's no reason for an album to sound that bad.

But a musician whom I love and trust couldn't believe I didn't like the record. "Not even 'Smothered in Hugs?' " he asked. "You'd love that song."

Ugh. No. Why would I love that song?

So he sang the why for me right there.

"I believe you/ No need for further questioning/ I'm gonna leave with you/ You can teach me all you know."

Of course, he was right.

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I never thought I'd see the day when I'd put Guided by Voices on my 100 greatest list, but I made the decision a year or two ago, long after that big jerk opened my eyes. It took me time to admit it, but this song is something special.

100 Greatest Songs - Exhibit 1

2007-07-16T23:52:00.000-04:00

As noted last week, I'm collecting songs that I have deemed among the greatest ever and posting them here for in no particular order. I do this for kicks, for posterity, to be productive and to share the love.

"Creep" by TLC

The greatness of this song inspires me to be greater. The chorus? Killer. The verses? Perfect. The breakdown? Transcendent. And the production? Whoa.

Just this morning, I was marveling over how clean the production is. I would have surgery in it. Tape the song off the radio onto an old Winger cassette single (after taping over the "do not tape over" holes, of course), leave it in a hot car for six months and play it on a boombox with blown speakers and the song still sounds pristine. It is that perfect.

But even more gorgeous that the trunk-tight (Oh yes, Fresh!) production is the song itself. I don't know how I lived without it until 1994. It makes my heart sing. It sounds like a miracle. Plus it is all T-Boz (AKA all cool -- Crazy, Sexy or Cool? There's no doubt what I'd pick) and redefines "astray" in a way that truly makes one go "hmm."

Perfect moments:

Yes, it's deadly from go, with the horn and the "Yes, it's me again." A minute in, you know exactly what's going on. You don't know how fun it is going to be to get there, but that's the magic.

1:54: I keep giving love until the day he pushes me away.

2:06 Whoo!

3:58 Oh I, Oh I, Oh I-high!

Listen up.

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everything's the way it should be, I suppose

2007-07-16T23:46:00.000-04:00

Last night I saw Travis, just two weeks shy of 10 years since I first saw them (at Brownies. Yes, I'm awesome).

The show was great. I really like the new album quite a bit (and I've only really liked Good Feeling — which STILL holds up on a roadtrip — and The Man Who, so that's saying something), that Demetri Martin "Selfish Jean" video is far more entertaining live, and remembering to scream at Dougie's verse in "Turn" came right back to me like I last did it yesterday.

Plus they played two old timey songs for old timers like me, "Good Feeling" and "All I Want to Do Is Rock."

They didn't (and they wouldn't, but they have done — I have the November '97 setlist to prove) play "Hazy Shades of Gold," so I'll play that for you now. It's a B-side from 1997, featured on the "U 16 Girls" single. Because Travis keep putting out super light and poppy songs for your Nana (I love light and poppy songs and Nanas, of course), you might forget that they started out with a rock record. "Hazy Shades of Gold" is a good example of it.

It's rough and magical, and includes the gorgeous "Dougie, get back. DOUGIE! Get back! Thanks!" (at 1:07) moment (something about Fran needing to see the drummer during recording? I don't remember now, but I have our interview on tape somewhere). Someday, perhaps you'll see that. For now, instead, you can hear this.

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what a girl wants, what a girl needs

2007-07-13T23:00:00.000-04:00

There's one lady who always knows what to bring and how to bring it. And when it's Xavier Boyer, the time is always right.

Thanks to a gift from this wonderful woman, I have been ferociously enjoying the Axe Riverboy album (when I'm not watching Fabrice Fabrice over and over — seriously, what is wrong with me?)

Anyway, back to the glorious Xavier. If you like wonderful songs and/or beautiful boys, you should watch this immediately. You're welcome.

I can do this now, and I have insulted you

2007-07-13T17:13:00.000-04:00

I famously (seriously, did Nick Kroll observe my behavior at a bar one night and create Fabrice Fabrice, or is this all a coincidence? And is it wrong that I have a tremendous crush on a fictional character who bears a striking resemblance to myself drunk — well, except the clothes. whoa. — because I totally do. Last night was like a dream, really.)

Anyway, I famously (whatever, I'm still saying it) like to profess, when people are discussing a song that I like (often to talk about hating it, that really gets me going) that the song is on my top 100 greatest songs of all time list.

Which often leads people to ask what #1 is. My answer is generally, "I don't know. Also, shut up."

But yes, I have a feeling I've said this about far more than 100 songs, and I will never be able to rank them at all, but I've decided to start a project here (in association with my MOG page), wherein I begin to take stock of these pronouncements.

Why? Well, I am unemployed and alone all day (um, what do people do in NYC besides work and shop? Because since I'm not doing one, I can't do the other) and it would be nice if I had some body of work to show for my time. And I'm starting to say "This is clearly on my top 100 greatest songs of all time list" to myself. Not OK.

We're starting Monday. Get ready and get into it.

they've only got one

2007-07-11T14:12:00.001-04:00

Henrik has re-signed. Hallelujah!

To celebrate, here is a nice video for a not-bad Sloan song. (Though, as the lovely and talented Lola has noted, the "or maybe TWO!" at the end almost ruins it all).

Oh, and THIS ... is awesome.

you wore that to your wedding?

2007-07-06T19:45:00.000-04:00

How was my week? Well, I'm not drunk and yet I just started crying laughing at this Andy Milonakis segment. Whoa. Seriously, though, the "Do you Herbie Johnson take this lovely wife ... to be your lawfully wedded wife" part is pretty flipping hilarious. And then when he throws the water? Awesome.

don't take it personal

2007-07-05T21:25:00.000-04:00

I had another memorable dream. Two of them. And they were way better than the stupid Sloan/ Korn one, though both were tied to work.

In one, it was my last day of work, and some IT person was running off a report of my computer, noting all the things I looked at that I shouldn't (as if I had any time for that during the day!) and as I was like, "Whatever, F- you guys," someone (with whom I do not work in real life) said, "Jane, I'd like you to meet ..." and before they could get "... Henrik Lundqvist" out I'd attached myself to the lovely goalie, never to be parted.

Then in another one, someone I really do work with told someone else in the office that I had a crush on him (gee, thanks). While this was more realistic (it was the real people, and I really do have a -- foolish, terrible -- crush on the one guy), it wasn't scarily so. For one thing, Sha doesn't know, so it isn't like he could tell the guy. Also, even if he did know, I believe he would never sell out a Queens girl like that. The best part of the dream? The crush guy, upon learning this news, took off his pants -- in the office. But no, even that isn't the best part. The BEST PART is that when he did that I said, "Really, you should put your pants back on. It's not that serious."

"It's not that serious"! Amazing. Best line ever.

I am having an exausting week. I have been cosmically clowned, and it has made me not want to do anything, not even dance with the gays. What a bummer.

I never had a good time

2007-06-27T18:25:00.000-04:00

How's my vacation? Well, I just yelled "The clavicle is a bone, fucking idiot" at a dude on "Jeopardy." So pretty good, I'd say.

I've had well enough of this heat, though, so let's call that off, shall we?

I just took a nap and dreamed about a Sloan show. Korn opened. Seriously? I'd been getting so little sleep and remembering so few dreams that I forgot how stupid they are.

Dan Abrams has been filling in on "Scarborough Country," and I've really been enjoying that. I've missed Dan dearly since he stopped hosting "The Abrams Report." But Scarborough has apparently still been on his morning show. Is Dan taking over Joe's PM spot? I demand answers. And way more Dan Abrams.

heaven knows what happens now

2007-06-22T18:41:00.000-04:00

Today was my last official day at work. It wasn't my last real day of work, as I will fill in for a couple of days in a couple of weeks, but the day I'd been counting down to arrived. So, yeah. It's weird.

Yesterday, there was goodbye drinking, which was nice. A day-of decision, and I think that is fun, except that I wasn't dressed for public life. We're talking freshly dyed unwashed hair piled up on top of my head, an outfit entirely made up of clothes two sizes too big and my green Sauconys. Wait, those green ones you stopped wearing months ago because they got too dirty? Yep. Did they somehow get cleaner? Nope. Everyone must have been thinking, "Dang, that bitch does need some time off ... to go shopping!"

But the beer was nice and the company was lovely and everyone gets five stars. Except it somehow went from being 8PM and me totally leaving to 12:30AM and me just getting home. Then when it was 4AM and my alarm went off, I couldn't handle it. So I rolled over for a little while longer and went for a later bus -- except that bus and the next one didn't show up. Bastards. So I was late on my last 6AM day. Terrible. Fire her!

don't be unhappy with me, I find you charming

2007-06-19T19:12:00.000-04:00

Here's some advice: Don't give six weeks notice when you quit your job. And if you do, don't agree to then fill in a week AFTER your six weeks for a vacationing (ex)co-worker. Not because it isn't the right thing to do — it is the right thing to do. The thing is, it will make you cry.

At some point, you are going to have HAD IT. Had it, had it, had it. And you're going to cry at work. Not because you are sad, or a silly girl, but because sometimes the choice is crying or picking up your computer monitor (no flat panels for us, baby) and throwing it. And you don't want to do that. But what I advise you, to skip the throwing and the crying and all that? Just give two weeks notice. If it was good enough for Hugh Grant, it's good enough for your boss.

So yeah, I've already cried. Which means if Paris Hilton gets out of jail, or Britney Spears gets knocked up again or Lindsay Lohan is photographed doing coke off of some dude's piece (well, that would at least be an entertaining story) while I'm still there, the computer monitor is probably toast.

Last night I went to the UCB Theater, where Seth Meyers and Fabrice Fabrice talked, and some other crap. Whatever. All I know is that I LOVE Seth Meyers and Fabrice Fabrice, and that's all I needed to know.

Hey, Sunday is Sloan! Yay!

PS Also I saw "Once" last night, and I loved it so much. Here a song from it. When it turns 1:20, that's when I love to start singing along.

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The Modern Log

I jumped out that window a long time ago

Rosalind Russell (Ahhh! I didn't even know Rosalind Russell was an option. Oh, I could not be happier.)You scored 12% grit, 62% wit, 14% flair, and 26% class!

we were on and off, on and off, on and off again

on and off again

it's in me to sing

three hams will thrill him

the session is NOT going well

I have water, I have rum

another hit I'll take on the chin

don't worry about your future

I know you seen me on the video

I didn't see it, I can't believe it

just for today, let go and slide away

I know you feel let down

you're an angel to me

seductive in small doses

shut it up now

if there's another way to do it you'd think I'd know by now

waiting for tonight ... whoaaaaoaahahoaoahooo!

it's OK, I know nothing's wrong

honestly I don't remember who you are

third-period conversations

separate the girls from the boys

has anyone ever written anything for you

let's burn up the night

good ideas do not fall out of thin air

get out of town and forever be free

chock full of expectations

maybe you'll understand me

bleh

I'm writing this letter to let you know

karate school!

like The McLaughlin Group Awards, only different

can't stop it, won't stop it

I love your dress

that's why it'll never work

no one else can feel it for you

say something, anything

shake the disease

it's the #1 fact of life

she sits in our old place all day long

how can I ease the pain?

all the people say, "stay at home tonight"

I got sick, then I got sicker

happy thanksgiving

go-oh-ohhhhl!

you made me feel so bluuuuue!

binary solo

things ain't cooking in my kitchen

I'd rather be right than president

five days to work, one whole day to play

like icing on the cake

what'd you call me?

I'm a citizen, think she loves again

you're gonna meet me

soap for sore eyes

I represent Queens

Professor Pickles!

fake headlines, believe them

I can dish it out, but I can't take it

what have I done to deserve this?

there's a joke here somewhere

please stay off the stage all day

back here where we need you

guess how much

I want to be haunted

I miss my funky friends

you don't bring me flowers anymore

there was time to kill

remember the time

just can't wait to get on the road again

good things are fantastic

it's a living thing

feeling like an orchid

my dick need no introduction

going blank again

waiting for something to break

don't answer me

it's not a f-ing school play production

Rosalind Russell (Ahhh! I didn't even know Rosalind Russell was an option. Oh, I could not be happier.)

You scored 12% grit, 62% wit, 14% flair, and 26% class!